Where to begin really. The last year hasn’t exactly been easy. One bonus to it though I found my soul mate. Not that we will be together right now but at least I know he’s out there.
I lost a baby in February. That was the worst part. What if that was it? What if i never can have a baby again, It felt like my worst fears came true that day. I think about that almost everyday still. Wondering what it would be like to have him/her in my arms right now. How it would look, if it would be like him or me. Or the perfect mix. I wish i hadn’t lost it, I wish my body was strong enough. Or maybe I just want it because then i would have a piece of him with me, if we cant be together at least I could have his baby with me.
I miss him. I want him beside me everyday, i want to feel his touch. the way he runs his hand into mine to let me know he’s there, the way he kisses me so softly full of love and passion. The look in his eyes when he sees me walk through the door. so much about him I love so deeply. I fear this feeling will never disappear. this pinning and desperation i feel to be with him again. my life feels pointless without the possibility he is still in it. what does it mean if i don’t have him beside me. Yes it will be fine and I’m sure i will still live a happy life. But thats not the point is it, it will never be as good as it was suppose to be with him. If only he stopped worrying about the problems we would face, logistics, insecurities, if only he would follow his heart and let his soul take over. Then we could have the life we are meant to. and oh what a life it would be. When we are together nothing is a problem, life has no limits when you have that magical powerful love. There is only a few people who are lucky enough to find this love and we found it. We found it in the middle of nowhere, from opposite sides of the world but somehow life brought us together. We were meant to meet and we were meant to be together. i have not been sure about much in my life but I am sure about him. that wasn’t a random meeting, that was all planned my the universe. the pull our two souls have to each other is incredible. I knew as soon as I saw him, the most gentle and loving face, full of a silent kindness that radiated towards me. I knew he was the one, the one I had dreamt about, the one I had always known was there waiting for me to find him. He has been in my life many times before I can feel that. Our souls have been together for many many years, he is my home. He is my entire existence.