My nose is swollen and very bruised, however it’s not broken.
I had to lie to the doctor, my family, and friends about how I got my bruised nosed. I told them that I got into a car crash with a friend and the airbag exploded in my face. They believed it, but I felt bad about lying to them. I hate lying to my parents, it feels like I’m deceiving them about more than just the lie; as if with every lie I insult their trust. But I can’t just tell them that Ramsay did this to me. It’s not even an option to me, I would never consider it.
I think he feels really bad about what he did to me. He keeps kissing my face as if to say ‘sorry’, he keeps quiet and wants to stay in bed with me all day. I don’t think he was completely to blame, I did agitate and antagonize him. If I hadn’t held up that heavy glass vase he wouldn’t have gotten angry; if I wouldn’t have laughed in his face instead of trying to understand him he might of not become so angered. I’m definitely not innocent, and we’re both to blame.
But I love him , and that includes his bad, mean, evil side too. I don’t like looking like this, and usually our fights don’t end so explosive. And when he can repress his evil side, he’s the best person I’ve ever met. He makes me feel like his whole world, and he mesmerizes me sometimes with his own world. I mean, it’s like he lives in his own world sometimes, and he invites me in and its the best most amazing feeling in the world. It’s like a beautiful drug, and I can’t help but love him more. That sounds so cliché, but fuck, . . . it’s all I can do to describe it. I don’t know if its the danger or the fucking absence of fear that he lives with, but its intoxicating. In short, I love him, even the bad side that hurts me and locks me away.