To the two narcissistic assholes who brought me into this world first off let me say thank you for bringing me to planet Earth. Though I should say one thing, which is this..I hate the fact that I gave both of you multiple chances in my life to just walk out on me as if it didn’t mean a thing.
I was 8 years old when my grandparents adopted me due to the fact I was diagnosed with ADHD and my mother cried and complained to my grandparents that she just couldn’t handle me. I was the only one child out of four she has given up, mind you I am not the one who has some sort of “issue”. My little brother has a form of down syndrome and in fact my littlest sister has ADHD as well. Though, I was the only child that was given up because I took up too much of her time and she just felt as if she couldn’t provide me with anything. My father? she left him after I was born and we went and live with some family in upstate New York. Do I blame him for 8 years of my life that he had lost? No. My mother couldn’t keep a house to save her life so addresses and schools got pretty messy growing up and so did the different number of men she brought home.
First I am going to talk about my father because I can keep it sweet and short with him due to the fact I practical know nothing of him. After I found out my mother lied to me about who my father was and I had moved in with my grandparents I decided that I wanted to track him down and figure out the other half of “me”. After multiple letters and phone calls I found him, the asshole who is labeled dad on the birth certificate. The very first time we had set up to meet we were going to pick you up at the train station, nervously I rode in a car for an hour standing in the cold for 30 minutes just to find out that you weren’t coming. You had forgot. Was it you forgetting or was it you too doped up on drugs to fake being sobered up. When my grandparents went to court to get custody of me, you never even showed up, never even fought. We had successfully saw each other three times, within 18 years of my life you have only fully met me 3 times.. I knew I had no longer wanted you in my life on my 12th birthday when you didn’t show up to Red Robins for my dinner. The man I thought was my other “half” was a ghost, 18 years I went with no Christmas cards, no birthday cards…nothing. What about when your sorry ass sat in jail behind bars and watched me cry begging you to change your ways and you had nothing to say? I am old enough now to where I can pick and choose who I want in my life and trust me, I don’t want you in it. You have helped destroy every once of trust I put into people by thinking you have the right to walk in and out of my life and still think it’s nothing. I will give you one thing, thanks for “paying” child support and by paying I mean the government taking it out of your checks.
To the women who is labeled as my “mother” the definition of mother as a noun “a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth” now as a verb “bring up (a child) with care and affection: “. You are a noun, you gave birth to me and once you saw I wasn’t what you wanted at all you tossed me off into the arms of two loving people that saw potential in me. I won’t go into detail about everything because lets just face it, you’re nothing to me. I am over all the begging and the trying to have a relationship with you. I am tired of your constant lies and verbal abuse. I am tired of all the shit you put me through thinking that it was okay. The two times I will never forget.. One, remember on my 16th birthday when you were arrested? I was sick to my stomach at the thought of waking up at 1 am to the cops banging at our door and then taking you away in handcuffs. I took care of everyone that night curled up to my little sister who had lice and held her in my arms as she cried herself to sleep. I tried going to school that day but was told it was best if I had went home because every time someone said “happy birthday” I busted out in tears because you were gone. I left and then we bailed you out, at my birthday dinner later that night you gave me some bullshit note on a napkin and told me happy birthday. Two, remember when I was rushed from school to be taken to a special place because I was having depressed thoughts again and I was so scared I would let my demons in? Remember how you showed up two hours later and didn’t say a word to me and the lady brought it up and placed all the blame on me. How could you state communication works both ways but for YEARS I was screaming your name and you never replied or even shown a sign. We went back and fourth on the past and the luggage it created and you showed no sign of mercy. I was at the end of my rope begging for your loving and you kicked the dust in my eyes and left. You lied and said my “father” wasn’t paying child support for many years to only find out you were stealing it and keeping it for yourself, then showed your ass because you had to pay it back.
I am going to stop here, if there’s one thing I want my “parents” to know is thank you. I matured at a young age and I am a strong and independent women who found two people to raise me and love me for all that I am. Even if I am heavily flawed, they love me anyways.