finger

Flipping the Fucking Bird.

My Life is seriously a joke. Im a 21 year old female, I had my first kiss at 19 and it was a drunken memory, I’ve only ever gotten to the dating stage because it never goes anywhere from there, they seem to find someone new or simply fade away. Now, last night, a guy i like has finally asked me out, its a dream come true but get this.. he lives in a completely different state.

Yep, yep and wait for it..i told one of my closest guy friend and it turns out he likes me and was planning to ask me out. FUCK!!! Why now that I’ve finally got a boyfriend did this have to happen? Not to mention, I’m already second guessing myself. The questions like “Is it worth the distance?” and “What would happen if i leave this relationship” keep going through my head. This shouldn’t be happening, i shouldn’t even be having any doubts, these thoughts should not be crossing my mind. Right?

Sure the distance sucks ass but last night i was 100% invested. After an hour long phone call with my best friend she figured it out it, its the distance thats playing with my head. Theres obviously more to it but the main factor is that a guy that genuinely likes me is so close compared to Mr face timing, texting, countless phone calls and probably letter writing to another state. So my Bestfriend advised me to take couple of days of thinking, to let my head clear up, figure out what i want and what i don’t want. She’s a fucking legend, she knew what to say and what to ask to help me clear up my muddled mind. This is the first time I’ve ever come to her for help and man is she good at seeing things clearly. Im still feeling really bad though because i know My boyfriend has had past girlfriends leave him for other guys and i don’t want to be another one to add to the list. Fuck, i remember now why i liked being single all these years. 

Goodnight Fucking Journal.

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