I finally figured out today that I don’t really have any friends.
I am a freshman alone in college, five hours away from my home of eight years. I’ve finished my first week here, but so far I haven’t been able to socialize with anyone. People are out partying (at parties I wasn’t invited to) or are in the forest doing drugs and drinking (which I don’t want to do). I don’t know if it’s just cause of a different of interests, or I just haven’t gotten the chance to meet people, but I’m lonely as hell.
Supposedly I have many friends. Skype, RPR… They add me as friends, they talk to me. I help them out, giving them advice, asking about their health, encouraging them to extend their abilities and beyond.
I’ve been rather sad and depressed. I’ve been acting differently, not being in group chats as often. When I am in the groups, I am quiet or short. I use ellipses. Apparently all of this isn’t enough to for people to actually sit up and take notice however. Not one person has commented on it. No one has said, Hey Bell, you doing alright?
I don’t know if people just don’t notice…or just don’t care. I thought these people were supposed to be my friends, but now I’m just not sure.
I’m going to bed. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.