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So I found this letter…

I found something that killed me a little bit on my USB. It’s something very personal to me and I’m honestly on the verge of tears because of it…

Here you go:

18/10/15

Well (person) this is my first entry to you on this usb. Now you have all my favourite depression quotes and all my favourite and stupid funny things to look at. And today is the day I was supposed to jump and I told you because [lover] couldn’t persuade his friends. I kind of didn’t tell you all of it. [lover] went round yesterday to help his grandfather get over his grandmother and he wrote me a text message saying where a letter was waiting for me in Brighton when I arrived this evening. He said that we couldn’t jump but would explain more when I came round. And I got a text message at 5 am this morning and you coming today is the best for me because of what happened. The text message was followed by another and another and another and another all saying ‘i’m sorry’ and I was confused because I didn’t understand why they were all saying sorry. Then my parents were up and ‘d’ and ‘p’ came round and a bunch of people were coming in telling everyone sorry and they were all crying and then I came down the stairs and they all stopped and stared at me, tears in their eyes. I asked what was going on and I’ve never felt more afraid in my life. And (person), it kills right now to smile because you may not have realized today but I still haven’t read that letter yet. And when I read it I know it’ll break me because it’s a suicide note. Because [lover]’s mum came up to me at 5:42 am this morning and told me [lover] had jumped. He jumped. But he didn’t have time to jump high enough from the building so now I know I can’t jump because [lover] isn’t dead. Yes, he’s unconscious but if he wakes up, they’ll have twenty four hour security on us. But I’m scared to open that letter. What if he dies by the time I get to him? What is it going to say? He jumped. He could die. And now I’m shaking but at least I’ve told you now. Now you know. And if you look up at me now I’m probably close to tears for how helpless I am. What happens now?

 

-Some Backstory-
I won’t give a backstory, it’s up to your interpretation…

For now let’s just say that 2016 so far has been one of the crappiest years of my life…

Image isn’t mine.

The bold is only to indicate what I have changed for privacy reasons

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