Voices

8/3/16 I heard so much and yet can’t recall any of it. I still wonder if this is all in my head. My biggest fear now is losing control over my thoughts, but currently my mind is quiet. I am terribly intrigued by the few remaining voices I hear because they are not the same ruthless evil spirits who provoked me at the beginning. I am slowly tuning into them…

8/4/16 “She likes me.” There is one persistent male voice I have heard for over a year now and he is seemingly benign. I named him Pepper, but I believe his real name is Jonathan. I can’t seem to remember what the other voices sound like. Pepper is the easiest to remember because of the things he says. I will just say that he is friendly. The other voices have said “you’re embarrassing her” often whenever he speaks, and I am reluctant to even post what he has said here.

8/9/16 Listening willingly to the voices is like feeding stray cats. I worry about my family finding out one day and getting upset with me. I have no control over the number of strangers who are coming through our house, but I imagine it’s too many. I also get upset whenever I hear one voice telling another voice that I’m psychic…it just increases my audience. I hate the attention a lot. Maybe I’m wrong about what’s going on…Yesterday they talked all throughout the night and that scared me because it means I’m losing control over my hearing once again.

8/12/16 “Are you going to stop taking your medicine?” Of
course I wasn’t about to, but currently my insurance won’t pay for my medicine so I am in a dilemma. Me and my boyfriend got into another fight over the voices, too–I didn’t mean to tell him anything but he can tell they’re still an issue for me. I try to explain how real they seem and he tells me that I’m imagining things. I am also less affectionate than I once was as a result of all of this…I honestly thought I was doing better, but he is tired of my bullshit apparently.

8/14/16 “She writes everything down”…”This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me”(Pepper)…”Jonathan really likes you”…”Take your medicine”…Yesterday I was able to have full-on conversations with them. I’m still in disbelief that I can do this. I was staying at an old creepy guest house that belonged to my grandparents over the weekend and I was alone as all of this back and forth took place. Strangely, I wasn’t afraid because I didn’t feel alone in that house.

8/16/16 I heard who I thought was my mom cursing in the hallway “goddamnit!” I asked her what was wrong thinking she had tripped over the cat, but she didn’t know what I was talking about. I guess it was a voice–they’re getting louder. I told my boyfriend about it and heard a voice comment “that’s freaky.” Sometimes I wonder if the voices are not all from the same place…like perhaps they’re on two different planes and I can channel both.

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