Dear First Love

This is not so much a letter to my first love as it is just a rant to the general public. So, first of all, I was an idiot to think that falling in love was all happiness and rainbows. The second it started, it was absolutely disruptive and I felt like some sort of obsessive idiot. I avoided him at all costs so that I wouldn’t have to feel it as much as possible. Love makes me dread waking up in the mornings because the first think I think about is him. What the hell is that about? Definitely not happiness and rainbows. I also must say that I didn’t choose to fall in love with this guy, and it thoroughly embarrassed me when I realized what was happening. I was in denial for a long time because I really didn’t want to like him at all, and it has taken almost a year now to get over it. He’s so stupid. He can’t tell the difference between to, two and too. He gets straight D’s. What an idiot. And I thought that throughout this entire ordeal, but I couldn’t stop my brain from being in love. It disgusts me even today to think about it, but in the moment it was so revolting. I hate not having dictation over my feelings. It makes me embarrassed, ashamed, and most of all as if I’m not the person in control of my own decisions. I hate that feeling. I never, ever wanted to like this guy. NEVER. God. How sickening. But it just HAD TO HAPPEN. What the hell. Still mad about it. I was NOT ready for that type of thing. I enjoy playful crushes much, much more, where I can just drop them without a second thought. That’s nothing like the turmoil I experienced with that one. God, it took so fucking long to get over him. How sickening. It makes me want to vomit. I hate love, which is something you don’t hear many people say, but hey, I’m not many people. Thanks for reading :D. Have an awesome day with actual unicorns and rainbows and sunshine, not this bullshit, lol.


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