Anxious and Tired

I am going to ask Brent to take me to the football game with him Saturday. I am 99.9% sure he will say no, but I still have to ask. I have to keep asking because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what other choice I have but to keep trying to get him to give me a chance. I wish I could go back to not caring, to not even thinking about him, but I don’t know how. That doesn’t seem possible. I hate my life so much right now and I can’t think of a single thing I can do to make it better. I have no control. I hate being alone. I don’t have any friends. I hate having all the nasty animals in my house. And I can’t change a single one of those problems. 

People are quick to tell me how to “fix” my life. I need to get on, I need to take a class, I need to go to church,  I need to volunteer. First off, I don’t have another second in the day to do anything else. Secondly, how many crash and burn online dates must I endure before I can say that is not going to work for me and move on? I don’t know what else to do, that’s true, but the online method does not seem to work for me. Most of the time I hate who ever, but even when I decide no matter how terrible they seem, I will go out with them again, but the opportunity never comes. 

When I think about football season starting and all the fall social events coming up, I don’t know how I will make it. Leading up to mother fucking christmas. Ugh. 

how did this happen to me? How did I get in such a mess?

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