Today has felt rough. I think I am feeling overwhelmed. All day I’ve had an anxiety attack I hate it, the intense feeling of uncomfortableness. the desire to scream and break everything and cry and curl up into a ball. But I can’t, I have a house full of kids that can’t have a mom like that and people who depend on me.
Worried about income, my brother needing help, now my daughter needs 100 bux because they are short and her boyfriend wants her to come up with it when it’s his damn fault she hasn’t be getting a child tax credit. Fucking self centred jerk. Haven’t gone out and bought school clothes yet and it starts in a week and a half. Need to get scouts forms in so they can attend. And this whole thing about moving scares the living shit out of me. I’m so scared this isn’t gonna work. I have a hard time with roommates. That I know of myself and it scares me this will go sour and I’ll be screwed. I’m pretty sure that part is playing a huge part with my anxiety. I tried smoking a little bit of pot to help calm me down cause that usually works but nope not at all this time. Just ended up making me really hot.
My oldest daughter is spending the night, I’m pretty sure that her relationship with her boyfriend is almost out the door. I can see she is sad and she blames herself but in truth he is a complete asshole to her. I feel bad that she has to go through this. I know she isn’t perfect and I am sure she screws up but no one deserves to be treated as lesser of a person and that’s what he does to her. All I can do is support her and be there for her. I promised I wouldn’t stick my nose where it don’t belong. Everyone does that to her and I don’t wanna be like that. I want her to feel that this a safe place where she doesn’t have to hear…I told you so.
My brother is out of the hospital. Happy about that. Hopefully he can get onto medical ei soon so he has an income. He’s having issues making the payment on his truck and rv and the insurance he has on it doesn’t cover if he can’t make a payment due to illness. Really fucking stupid of you ask me.
Well I think that’s it for today,
thanks for listening