my daughter was in the hospital two days before i was called and told

so my youngest daughter who is 29, ( the  daughter I refer to being “day” )  started getting seizures out of the blue when she was pregnant with her son 9 years ago..

she is on medication on a daily basis to control last week.. she was at the pool and had a seizure fell hit her head on the side of the pool and fell into the water and went to the bottom seizuring out.. luckily she wasn’t alone and they pulled her out and began cpr on her while the ambulance was enroute..

she was in the hospital two days before I got a call from her ex boyfriend…. they broke off a few weeks ago ( again ) and he was told that she was in the hospital and called me to tell me she was there..

a week she was in there with the concussion being monitored and seizure medication being said her dosages were too high for her..

after five days they discharged her only for her to go back that same evening with pain in her arm where the IV had been, it was infected and ultrasound showed that she had two blood clots in her arm.. so now she is on blood thinners.. and has to be for the next four months..  wtf

the girl cant catch a break… so I decided to take a ride this past weekend.. did a day trip to see her since she lives four hours south of me.. glad I went.. because she had been staying somewhere as a room mate situation and they ended up getting rid of all her stuff..

she had literally four pieces of clothing.. I had to go to the store and buy her underwear and clothes and shoes.. omg  what kind of people had she been staying with that would do that kind of thing..

her ex boyfriend wanted her to come back to his house and she has..i only worry that an argument will arise and then he will be back to telling her to leave again..

it was a nice drive.. change of pace.. music loud  wind blowing…

she is such a good girl.. doesn’t deserve all this misfortune.. she takes it like a soldier though…

my other daughter ( night ) is still living in my living room with her hubby.. yesterday I came home for lunch to let my dogs out for their afternoon peepee break and walked in saw my son in law on the phone and heard briefly his conversation with his friend who was telling him that he just got a job ( the friend not my son in law) lol.. and my son in law asked where was the job and if they were hiring..

all I could think was wow  what a waste of time.. its not like he is going to go and apply..its like he wants a job handed to him.. or a paycheck handed to him . like its owed or something..

whats wrong with this picture? I get up every morning and get myself to work to pay for an apartment actually being enjoyed by my daughter and my son in law…. no money is being handed to me for the increased water bill and increased light bill…

I would like to stay home and have my bills paid..

and their seven kids are with my son in laws mother by court order right now.. they go over every day to help out with the evening routine of baths feedings etc..

I pray I pray…

I maintain faith.. but I have to say it has really been tested lately to major degrees..

sometimes I envy those that pass away.. they don’t have to “endure” anymore.. be “responsible” anymore.. be “aware”.. anymore..

im just tired.. emotionally and physically..  my heart Is heavy .. and I feel like im way out in the ocean treading water with no land in sight…





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