I woke up today not wanting to open my eyes, much less leave the comfort if my bed. Laying in sweat and sheets my mind was not still but blank. Jesus Christ whats going on inside of my head. Maybe this is just growing up but I feel as if I have lost so many of my goals and ideas f life. Its not such a bad feeling though. More of a free feeling. Its as if I have somehow rewired my brain to make room for new dreams, Ideas and goals. That in is self comes across as a silly thought. How we only use just a small part of our brain there for having to burry old calculations to make room for new ones.
life is stranger and stranger everyday as I can’t help but to notice the changes happing not only inside of me but all around me as well. For example I have noticed more and more anti gov people every day growing this community of revolution and change while my anti gov ideas have begun to not really dwindle but annoy me till the point I have just stopped wanting to thing about or care about it anymore.
I have also recently grown tired of caring so much about my looks and appearance. I have been finding my self often not even wearing makeup out of the house. Anymore I have become indifferent to so many things I used to wonder about obsessively.
Lately all I want to do is just move slow and enjoy little things not thinking to much or to deeply. I just want to play in the rain, eat good food and listen to good music. I have even found my self developing more of a friends and meaningless conversations. Meaningless conversations that used to bother me are now not such and annoyance.
Im not sure if I have given up or just begun to cut loose. Perhaps a bit of both I suppose.