I walked the dogs this morning. my daughter came by the house. I wish she could come without the boyfriend. Ugh. I would like to have her all to myself. I worked at school a couple of hours yesterday and I graded a class of notebooks last night. I still have one class to go. I found a few good labs online yesterday. I am going to try to do lots of activities with the kids.
I might be having dinner with Brent. He said he will go if his floors are done. I am so sick of begging him to see me, but I just don’t know what else to do. All I want is for my family to be back together. I am so frustrated with him. He is acting stupid by treating me this way. I can’t understand what his reason is for rejecting me like this. All I want is a fucking chance. How is that bad?
I wish I could go back to not caring. I wish I didn’t even think about him. I wish I could go back to no giving a shit about him.
Later, that same day…
Well, I guess I got it straight from the mother fucking horse’s mouth that he is not going to give me a chance. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I have got to get past this. I have never been in such a bad position before. Maybe, possibly when Craig and I broke up because I was so involved with him I had no friends but him. Now I am alone and the friends that I’ve had for the past few years, are no longer my friends. Whatever. I need to find new friends but I’m not sure how to do that.
I have to get past this thing with Brent. I just have to. I have to forget about him and move forward. I need to think about all the shitty stuff about him and focus on that.
Starting tomorrow I am never texting that mother fucker again. Never. Not even if his goddam mother dies, I am not contacting him. I have to stop. I have to stop. I have to stop.
I have to find other things to occupy myself.