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..Mom, mommy..

Please don’t get me wrong.I love,adore and cherish my mother like any normal person does and beyond… We all make mistakes and that is a natural part of living.Thankfully some of people learn stuff out off it, some don’t but oh boy have I had learned the “life” based on her lessons and life decisions.She was there from the day one.Petite 5’5 lady. The amount of courage and strength that lives in her body had always surprised me at least. I might be her daughter but I’m nothing like her (apart the eyes) ,yes basically eyes and compassion are the only two things that we have in common.Oh what a funny thing… You know how people or parents to be pray that their child will be healthy firstly?Well my mom prayed that I will have a dark eyes and not the blue ones like my dad had (at that point he was an alcoholic to be that’s why)…  That always made me giggle.. Like ma’am u were seriously rational back then (LOVE HER)! Oh happy days did I indeed get a dark eyes lol… Anyway…I have hurt that lady so much physically and oh boy mentally as well (mentally more then physically.).I just always wanted to say you sorry mom for kicking u when I was a spoiled brat.Sorry for all the bad words pronounced. Sorry for flipping you off and throwing unnecessary fits. If only I knew then what I know now. I AM UTTERLY SORRY. I LOVE YOU AND I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU. So many times have I wished that she gave me the beating more often.I wouldn’t be that spoiled while growing up.Oh she did try to beat me don’t get me wrong… Broke a few belts on my butt but God knows that I’ve deserved that.I am well aware.However that was nothing compared to what was ahead of us.At that point we hurted  each other the most while in reality we were only getting prepared for the Shi*a** future that was laying ahead of us… 

 

My dear mother,even tho that sentence “You are a piece of shit that I gave birth to” has been engraved in my mind forever I forgive you.I did (said)  much way worse words.I never thought any of it.God give you health and strength to deal with me and the life.I would give you a world if I could. U have no idea how many times have I cried cause I knew that I couldn’t give u what u deserve. I love you mom, I really do… 

One thought on “..Mom, mommy..”

  1. Your journal entry is very moving. I know you love your mother very much. Sometimes we behave worst with the person we know will not abandon us for it. I am sure your mom loves you too. Forgiveness is good. Good for you. God bless you, dear.

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