I have to admit, I rather missed my white and orange screen here that I call my “home”… home for my thoughts? Home for my feelings that bubble over in words? Who knows, all I know is that I like it here, and it feels like home. Granted I have only had a chance to read a few snippets of the lives that live here with me, but I have to say that every one that I have read I have been able to relate to… whether it be past me, current me, sometimes me, or outside me.
It’s been a busy past few weeks(?) that I have been away. Just doing the family thing, which I honestly enjoy. I have been blessed with a pretty great family scene here in this movie screen called life. Yeah, some of them suck and some of them hurt me or make me sad, but all in all I got pretty lucky. Now, my inlaws on the other hand, well, they could use a good old dip in the kindness, compassion and feelings pools… Oh there are many more they could use, but we’ll start there.
I had a major breakdown after my last post, and let’s just say I have a pretty great support group. I felt vulnerable, but I was able to finally…. FINALLY let out what’s been stewing (more likely rotting) in my thoughts. If felt SO freeing, although scary. I decided to go off of all but one mental medication, and I haven’t felt better. Once the cold and drab days of Winter hit, that may change, but for now I am going to live it up feeling like ME!
When I took that leap of faith and said the words that engraved themselves into my thoughts, it reminded me of a horror movie (or the show Supernatural) where the demons/ghosts/black mist come screaming out of the person’s mouth… that’s what I envisioned it would have looked like from the outside… but it was dark when I was talking, so nobody saw and they must’ve been quiet because nobody heard, but I FELT that. Seriously, the best feeling.
So, here I am back on the yo-yo diet, get my ass into shape… no, not round… and start being healthy for ME! I really let myself get taken in by this last bout of depression. I told myself that I am not going to beat myself up over it because I made it through alive. I know, that sounds pretty over dramatic… waiting for my applause now… but really, that is about all I could focus on. It was a pretty bad battle between me and the depression. I feel as if I have lost some weight, but my nasty, evil scales are saying that I have gained. UGH! My clothes feel looser too, so who knows. I am hoping to weigh in on a “medical” scale in the next few days. It is time to stop running from my weight (more like huffing and puffing with my heart pounding and sweat rolling down every crevice while doing the waddle shuffle with chafed thighs.), I need to own it and banish it to a land far, far away that I cannot get to with my Skymiles.
Feels great to be back again! I am starting a new en-devour to hopefully help out the family financially, so wish me luck!!!! No, I am not doing anything illegal. Just something totally out of my comfort zone, which I am hoping will be good for me. 🙂
May this week treat you well! Thanks for taking a few minutes out of your day to live in mine.