9/9/16♦Peak of self destruction

I’m crying, but i dont quite understand why. Everything is just getting to me. Life, school, people, everything basically. Maybe i’m just at my limit and the dam inside me has broken. I’m thinking about alot of things that i’d prefer not to disclose on here . Everyone seems to have that friend irl that is always there for them and will always stay by their side, keep their secrets, and help them through hard times. I don’t have that person. People i’ve talked to and trusted betrayed me, left me, hurt me. Maybe i’m just a sensitive person. I don’t think i am, but i’ve been easily triggering the dam inside me to burst. But people. I really hate when my ‘friends’ say they understand me when they clearly dont. I try talking about my hobbies and likes but all i get are jokes about how i’m a ‘weeaboo’ or ‘im too addicted toblah blah blah’. They then turn everything back to them. Or i try talking about my feelings or thoughts and the person gets furious at me. I guess that’s why ive always liked being alone. I love being alone. I mean, i like to talk and joke around with people, but that thought always pops in my head”I wish i could leave and be to myself.” My mother was the same way. And my dad dislikes her for it, but i can understand her completely. The world is a foul place with no one on your side. Even the ones that promise to say, will leave you in the end. 

Ive never felt so angered, so embarrased, i dont know.. I know there are people online who could understand and help me, because i know damn well im not the only person who is like this, but its hard. People i know irl are just so self centered or can’t control themselves. Ive been contemplating for a while, if i should go back to my lonely life, no friends, no relationships/friendships, just have acquaintances. I dont know. I really have to think about my decisions, even though no one cares about me, i still have a heart for everyone else

The lost memory,


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