Today is my uncle’s birthday. If he was still with us he would have been 59 today. Such a short life he lived but so remarkable, colourful and successful. He was a great man. I have thought over the last few days that i would like to write him a letter. The thing is i think it will be quite sad as there are many things i didn’t get to say to him. Maybe the 3oth which is the anniversary of his death will be the right time for that.
Today is about celebration. It’s about celebrating his life, his achievements, his unique personality and beautiful heart. I miss you uncle and i know you and granddad are watching over me. This morning i sat on the edge of my bed and closed my eyes tightly and pictured uncle and granddad in a glowing cloud of heaven smiling down on me. It bought a smile to my lips and a sense of security to my heart. I feel safer knowing they are up there looking after me. This thought really makes me smile.
The last week in particular has been hard due to things i don’t want to talk about today. All i will say is i pity people whose hearts are so black and evil shining all the way through their souls onto their ugly faces yet they are oblivious. Today is not about them. May god give me the strength to remove them from my mind. Pease god, make me unaffected and indifferent to their evil.
Today i feel positive. Last night is the first night since i stopped smoking, which has got to be at least a year ago now, that i didn’t have a night time fag! Halleluyah! That bedtime habit has been the hardest one i will ever break. But yes i fell asleep and was astonished and filled with excitement this morning that i slept all the way through and woke up feeling great lol A little personal achievement for me that i am thrilled about. I am hoping to stick to it but i have my safety box for hard nights.
Yesterday turned out to be a nice day. I wasn’t feeling very well in the morning so was quite dreading it if I’m honest. I usually dread social gatherings but almost always enjoy them in the end. My uncle’s wife and my cousin came to see my uncle’s new gravestone and spend time with my grandmother in celebration of his birthday today. It’s always nice to see them. We also had other family visit and it turned out to be a full house with lots of laughs and chatter. By the evening i was exhausted but it was exactly what i needed to catapult me out of my mentally reclusive state.
The sun is shining today and in a while i will be going to visit my uncle’s grave and wish him a happy birthday. He was most definitely taken too soon but i comfort myself in my belief that the good are always taken first. In my religion there is a beautiful saying that heaven lays at the feet of your mother. If you cherish and care for your mother with your whole heart, not necessarily with wealth or worldly goods, it could be with a genuinely whole hearted look of love you give her when she speaks. You are considered blessed, as a true believer knows that god sees all, not only your actions but what resides in your heart. My uncle was blessed, he doted on my grandmother, and he called her every day. He was very successful so showered her with gifts, she still wears the 24 carrot solid Asian gold bangle that he put on her arm with his own hands the last time he saw her. He was a good man.
May you rest in peace and walk gracefully amongst the beauty of heaven you amazing soul.
Sending you all my love
Your God Child and Eldest Niece xxx