Monday. Back to work. Sort of. I’m here. At my desk. Journaling. It was a nice weekend. Hot and muggy Saturday. Dry and cooler on Sunday. No complaints. We had no commitments either day and that suited us just fine. Was nice to just hang out at home after the busy summer. Friday was a fire in the back yard, drinks, kids playing. Perfect. 2 girlfriends came over in the later part of the evening when husbands and kids were occupied with other things. Nice to have the girl talk. Saturday I went on a 3 mi run with my neighbor. Was glad I did. I really needed to move. Neighbor confided in me about her and her husband’s rocky marriage. I am sad for them. She’s confided in me in the past. I’ve encouraged her to forge through it. It’s hard – especially with their kids’ ages. I thought things were better for them, but apparently not. All I can do is pray for them and support in any way I can.
Tuesday. Another new day. Off to a good start. Positive thoughts all over. In stark contrast to last night. I was so resentful of H. Resentful that I am the one that does the bedtime routine with the kids. I have laid out a plan – electronics (tv included) off at 8:30 and kids to their rooms. Thirty minutes of reading and then lights out. Of course I would like the plan to work perfectly but I know that that is not reality. I think it’s a very good plan and can work for our 2 very different children. I need his support though. He nods his head in agreement and says sure. But then doesn’t help at all. He just sits and watches the fucking tv. All while I am up and down the stairs with 101 little things that need to get done before my head hits the pillow. He doesn’t notice at all. Even last night as I was slamming doors and screaming “fuck!” in the basement over laundry.
So, as I said it’s a new day. And how am I going to change this tonight? Peacefully. Peacefully. Peacefully. Namaste.