Confessions of a Part-Time Working Stay-At-Home-Mom

It’s been a few months since I’ve written. The reason being, I haven’t been able to access my computer. I could still type entries on my phone, but I would much rather type it out on an actual keyboard. So much quicker. Anyways, if you’ve read any of my other journal entries, specifically my first one, you know a little about my current life. I am basically a stay at home mom (Read previous entries to find out WHY.) The first two years I raised the kids, Lil M was a toddler and was at home with me; while Lil J was in school. Now, both kids are in school. I don’t know if that makes me more of a Housewife or what, but I’m not married…and I’m completely single. But, I stay at home while the kids are at school and do household chores, run errands, and when I can, I see my friends.After I pick up the kids, the typical homework, cooking dinner, etc., happens.  I haven’t had a full-time job in a few years, but I do work part-time odd jobs. I’m an independent consultant for a company that I adore. I do photography gigs on the side, I am now keeping a little girl three days a week, sometimes I work seasonal jobs, and I do a little mystery shopping. 😉 My dream is to be a writer. I’d love to go back to school and major in some type of journalism or writing or poetry. But, I still have a student loan that I owe. I did go to college, but I only went as far as getting my 2-year Associate of Arts degree. I tried to continue to get my bachelors degree, but I went through my first tragic heartbreak. I was once engaged. We had a house, car, kid (hers), dogs, and life together. I thought that was going to be the rest of my life, but it was not meant to be. I won’t go into detail, but she ended it to be with someone really close to me. I’m way past ‘moved on’ from that situation, but at the time, it brought me to my knees. I had never experienced a pain or betrayal like that. I was depressed, had to start my life over, and on top of that was enrolled at the University. I couldn’t handle the pressure of college at that time in my life, so I dropped out. I knew in hindsight I would regret it, but I also knew in that moment, that I COULD NOT do it, and I still stand by that, even if with a little sting of regret. Fast forward 8 years and here I am today. Back to writing, it’s been my passion since I was in 3rd grade. I’ve been writing poems and stories all of my life. Writing is like filling my soul yet emptying my heart at the same time. It makes me feel all the feels. I was in the literary club when I was in highschool and my favorite class was Creative Writing.While most of my friends were out chasing boys in high school, I was at home writing poems or looking up literary quotes on the internet. I’ve been trying to write books since I was 14 years old, but I never could finish them. This past year, I finally wrote AND finished a book! I was so proud of myself, but now I’m slacking on the editing. Partially because of stress and no time EVER, and partially out of fear of failure. I know that as soon as I finish editing it, the next step will be trying to get it published. I don’t expect my first book to be a sensation, but it’s definitely a dream of mine. I need to just do it. I need to send it out there in the world, receive negative feedback, experience rejection, and all of that self-torture. I don’t like rejection, but I know it will help me grow and hopefully push me to try harder. I need to push myself. I enjoy being a stay at home mom most of the time, but I’d love to be writing everyday for a living.  I’d love to put my work out there in the world and travel and blossom.  I don’t know what my future holds. I feel in my heart that big things are in store for me. I know I’m not meant to live to just do housework and be a parent. For some women, that is their niche. It’s what they are happy doing, what they’re meant to do, and that’s perfectly fine….just for me…I feel like there’s more. I’ve always had an adventurous heart. I’m not big on routine, I like life to be a little messy and unplanned. The most beautiful things happen during the unplanned. Anyways,  I know this was a long entry, but it’s been a while and I just had a lot to say…even though it was a little all over the place. Thanks for listening! Until next time…


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