I’ve been dating a woman for almost 2 yrs. She is diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bi-polar. I thought I was strong enough to endure a relationship that would have such chaos, but now I’m questioning my own mental health. I love her so much, but when she spirals in one of her low’s, it’s like watching it take place over a number of days all in slow motion. If I try to step in and help, if I give any opinions or advice, if I do anything, she pushes me farther away. I never know if this is going to last a few days, a few wks, or a few months. When she’s having good days, she is amazing, but the bad days have now started to out weigh the good. I’m here trying to hang on.
So I thought I would start writing in this journal, it gives me a place to release my emotions and thoughts. I’m learning what her triggers are that throws her into depression and even the things that make her hyper-mania. Right now, she’s in a low place, started seeing changes about a month and a half ago. Her grown sons are one of her triggers. She enables them to a point she is only doing more damage for them than good. Right now, one of her sons is living with her for the 4th time (in the almost 2 yrs I have been dating her). He bounces from jobs (when he actually does work) so she pays his bills, and puts herself in a bind. She has to make him do things around the house like mow for example, she has to tell him multiple times until she is angry, then he may manage to get out the door and do something. She works two jobs, and stays broke because he doesn’t have a problem asking for money all the time. Anyway, this is what has thrown her into her depression this time. Her moods are all over the place, but this time she’s starting to become angry all the time and saying things that normally is out of her character. Kinda just mean things to me. (It’s out of her character because she is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met with a huge heart). It’s not like her to lash out.
What I’ve learned is that this son is a player and manipulator. He knows exactly what buttons to push and honestly doesn’t seem to have any guilt of what all of her family and close friends sees him doing to her. And yes, I have said something before, and it didn’t go over well. I’ve also heard her sister and parents say something before and she ignores it. They have even confronted him and he just tells them what they want to hear and never changes.
I’m not a quitter, and believe she’s worth the work that comes along with having a relationship with her. I’m just exhausted right now.