An important truth…
It hurts because it mattered…that would be my important truth. Maybe it’s sappy, maybe it’s too cliché but it’s the gods honest truth. When something matters and it goes wrong it’s going to hurt, and that’s okay. You don’t need to put a smile on and pretend you’re not hurting, it mattered to you. I’m not saying unpack your feelings in live in misery, I’m simply saying that it’s okay to grieve a little when something doesn’t go the way you want.
The last couple years of my life have been anything but easy and I was always taught that “someone else has it worse” so I never complained much. Now it is absolutely true that there are millions of people who have it worse but does that mean I can’t be sad or hurt when things are going tough? That is like saying I can’t be happy because millions of people have it better. My therapist said something important to me this week, she said “your marriage died, what do you do when something dies? You grieve”
I think sometimes people think that just because the divorce is final that I should be okay and that the wounds have healed. I wish it were that easy….unfortunately I am grieving the life I thought I had planned for myself. The life of 1 marriage, kids, a white picket fence (yes I guess I am a bit of a romantic). My life has now taken a different turn, I am 28, divorced, foreclosing on the home we bought together, living back at home with my parents. This is definitely not how I pictured my life and it’s a harsh reality. It takes time to adjust it is often painful to have your life flipped upside down. In the big scheme of life is getting divorced awful? No. Is foreclosure the worst thing to happen? No. Did I have somewhere to move to and not be homeless? Yes. The last piece makes me extremely fortunate, but it doesn’t heal the emotional hurt.
My marriage was abusive, my husband never physically hit me but he was emotionally and verbally abusive. That kind of damage doesn’t heal overnight, and it’s tough to heal that when you feel a bit trapped, when you feel down and out about life in general. Often times I smile and pretend I am okay but if someone were to ask me “are you okay?” I don’t think I could contain the tears. I think it’s okay to be hurt, to be damaged for right now. It hurts because it mattered to me, my divorce mattered. It changed my whole life and it’s okay to grieve that. I know it’s going to take time, I was reading online and most people averaged about a year until they felt okay again after a divorce. I’m going to let myself hurt and go through the pain so that I can hopefully not repeat the same mistakes.
*If you could read my mind, you’d be in tears*