I’m being used !

I’ve been in this exercise program in a bit over a year now, and it works great for me. We are several people in this group, and both and all for several different reasons. Health issues, rehab solutions. We are lucky to have this offer where we can exercise with professional instructors, who have the best thoughts and training program for us only. I love it, I need it and it works pretty well for me. There is a three month contract, and you have to meet up on every class, you can only afford to be away twenty percent, and if you don’t show up without notice you get kicked out – simple! 

I’ve been around for a year, and it works for me because I’m not alone, I have people around me, and we’re able to support each others. I also work with people my self, I love helping when and if I see it’s needed. I sometimes have an too big heart for others. That easily put me in weird, but also difficult situations with people. I expose my empathy and sympathy for other human beings, and I get burned. I get used. 

Before our summer vacation I met a woman in our group and we connected right away. We met outside these groups, we did some more exercise together, we went to the public pool with our kids and everything seemed to work out just fine. But then I start to feel she were running for competition – “It’s just an feeling, and you’re overreacting” My mind kept telling me this in the beginning, I ignored my inner intuition. But noticed how things slowly started to change. I actually thought she were more then just a training- girlfriend, well I treated her more like a close friend of mine, and shared lot of things of my life with her.

It was time for vacation and our training group took vacation with school, they were following school time which was perfectly fine. It was great to have an break and enjoy the vacation and just relax. I was away for a month and this friend of mine she were away for quite some time, and longer than me. I respected her privacy and thought since I didn’t hear from her during this time of vacation I found it normal that she wanted some peace and quiet during at that time. So, time went by and vacation was over and we started again in those training groups, even luckier when we now would have exercise in water. Suddenly I had an text message from her “May I ask if you’re able to pick me up before pool exercise?” I had been working, and couldn’t find my bathing suit, I was quite stressing at the moment because I only had one hour on me. So I told her “Sorry I’m not able to pick you up because I’m gonna get late, had to shop for a new swimsuit.” – I didn’t hear form her, and finally got to exercise down in the water, then I realized she weren’t there, and she didn’t show up either. That made me feel terrible inside.

We exercise about three times a week in that group, and I’m able to see this woman three times during one week, but she ask me every single time if I’m able to drop her off at her home after practice. Yesterday I stood with one of the instructors crying my eyes out because of this woman. How she made me feel and how afraid I actually was for something to trig her off to to something extreme if I told her no. So this instructor shook me up in a good way and told me what I had to do, and I knew of course, I asked her for advice on how to get out of this in a not ugly way and she helped me out. I was surprised when she could tell me she weren’t surprised this special woman would do something like this either. As like, she kinda knew. Or she knew this person- pattern this woman have.

For a time now I’ve been having some feelings building up on this subject, I’m amazed how this woman were able to make me feel like shit when I actually couldn’t help her out. Worse part was when she didn’t show up at when we were to exercise in group session.

Now I’m helping my self, telling my self I cannot think like this, this has to end, and I need to confront her, this woman. And things will get better. 

Sometimes I need to stand up for my self and draw the line. 


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