I’m still really sick. Ugh. About to drink nyquil and go to sleep.
Yesterday I was profoundly stupid. I have been so upset about B coming up to me and talking to me on Sunday. It was his typical manipulative shit. And as usual, I totally lost site of what I needed to say and do. And I contacted him yesterday. And the worst part about the conversation, besides finding out just how self-deluded he is, was that when it ended I was sure he was going to think that it would be okay to talk to me and things are cool. And I so did not want that to be what sticks. After struggling with it all day I finally realized that I needed to find my way back to my truth and set a boundary so I sent him one last message, on my old fb account- which he can’t respond to because I deactivated the account right after I sent it. I told him that what bugs me the most about him approaching me on Sunday is that they only thing that would have been appropriate to say to me would have been “I really behaved extremely poorly with you, and I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me for being so disrespectful and such a dishonest schmuck. Anything less is so lacking in substance is not worth my time.” And I felt a million times better. Because that is enough to keep him away from me.
My flight was delayed last night, after a nightmarish switcharoo between three flights. I made it home at 1am.
I had detained court this morning and Fuj this afternoon. I had lunch with Kelly at Baela Rose. It was disappointing. The food. Not Kelly. Kelly was great I hadn’t seen her for a while and she made me laugh.
Chelsea didn’t move to Seattle. I got a text from her last night that her life took a turn and she’s not going to Bastyr. She is moving in with Aly and Zach in Benson. I asked her if we could play a show soon and she excitedly said yes.
I had my car cleaned at Speedy’s today and I taught my two classes at NT but I could barely do anything cuz I’m so weak from being sick. There was a really cool chic who came to my silks class. She is very advanced and came to have a chance to practice. She was so skilled and beautiful that it made me feel like shit.
I’m so enjoying reading Middlesex.
Fuj was so talkative today. He must be feeling good because he was really trying to connect. Courtney was at the Chicago court today and he put her on camera and we chatted a bit.
My goals for the near future are to clean the shit out of my nasty, fruitfly infested house, and clean up the jungle outside of it. I don’t wannaaaaaaaaaa