I can’t stop feeling annoyed with myself and seriously regretting what I did for my 18th. I was so stupid,idiotic and awfully disorganized, it was all just absolutely embarrassing and stupid! It was almost 3 years ago, but I think with having another big birthday coming up in a few months it has just recently hit me and got me thinking about how stupid I was with the way I arranged my 18th Birthday Party. At the time, I was too ignorant and stupid to realize how ridiculous it all was, but looking back now I realize how terrible the whole idea was and how much I am disappointed with it now.
Basically, for this so-called “party” that I had for my 18th I invited mostly friends I had previously in my life throughout school who I hadn’t even seen properly for a while and who weren’t even real, proper friends to begin with. I only had a few friends who were actually proper friends.
The whole thing was absolutely stupid and pathetic, as first of all, it wasn’t even a party. I had organized it so terribly that all it was was a load of us sitting round the living room, most people being squashed up on the couch the whole time, doing nothing. There was music playing and drinks out to drink, and people ate pizza, but that isn’t a party. I mean, people sitting round a room, squashed up on the couch having some drinks and talking a bit while music is playing then getting the chance to have some pizza isn’t a party, just a normal sit down to have some grub and drinks. Looking back and realizing now, it was absolutely boring, stupid and pathetic! What made it all the more boring, stupid and pathetic too is most people didn’t even know eachother, and I hadn’t even been in regular contact or seen most of the people there in a year or two. Some of them were fake friends I’d had in the past too who had given me a hard time before!!
The whole set up and image of it just looked absolutely stupid, pathetic, ridiculous,idiotic and embarrassing!! There is even a picture of it with me and everyone from my “18th Birthday Party” that I just absolutely hate now, and hope I can delete it off any system we still have it on! It just looks absolutely embarrassing and stupid, as not just is it all taken from an angle due to the weird lay out and seating setup, but it just looks weird seeing most of the people from it not even being close or good friends of mine, as well as the fact it’s a load of people who don’t know eachother!! It just all looked really fake and I hate that a photo of something that you’d expect to be a memorable event of my life is so fake, stupid and such a source of resentment to me!! Not only that, but a lot of the smiles in the photo were also really forced, and I remember most people there looking really bored!! Not that I’m bothered about what they think of me or what I do, but I just in general and by principle hate and regret what I did for my 18th!!
Oh, and that isn’t even all of it. There is still more of my awful organizing that I can recall. We also invited some other good family friends of ours, just one small family. Well, it just didn’t make any sense at all how we invited them just to sit in the kitchen with the rest of my family while I was in the living room with that big stupid group and I didn’t even see or hang round with them the entire time. It has made me feel bad too, as they were people who I like and get on great with, who are sincerely good family friends, yet I abandoned them to be with a crowd of people mostly whom I wasn’t even proper friends with.
It was so boring, no entertainment, no structure. But most of all I just shouldn’t of organized it so poorly like that in the first place. I shouldn’t of just invited a load of people I knew previously but wasn’t proper friends with any more just for the sake of having more guests to this “mini party”, also given that most people didn’t even know eachother. Especially too as some of them had been fake friends to me and given me a hard, unsettling, traumatizing time previously.
Well luckily I have the chance to redeem myself for my next, upcoming birthday this December, as it will be my 21st then and I have decided to have a PROPER party in the house with just good family friends and only one or two friends who already family friends as well. It’s also going to be a proper party where I’ll go round and make sure to talk and catch up with everyone there, spending time with them, as well as providing some proper entertainment, such as quizzes, which I have already prepared anyway! 🙂 I know most people would think dancing or karoke as the main entertainment, but not only do we not have enough space for dancing, but I don’t like dancing anyway. The karaoke thing too I am not so sure about, as not sure I feel comfortable singing in public, plus we don’t even have a karaoke machine. I actually enjoy quizzes most as a form of entertainment at parties. I might even have some more ideas come to me nearer the time, but I’ll just wait and see.
It is just one of those things that I can’t stop looking back on and going “UGH!”and hitting myself on the forehead!!
Well, I know it’s still a while to go, but fingers crossed my 21st will be MUCH more of a success than my 18th was!!!