It doesn’t really feel like a great morning but I’m trying to be optimistic today. My life isn’t awful. I’m fairly spoiled in my job situation. I own my own business and work whatever hours I want to. It’s 930 AM and I’m still on the couch sipping coffee and planning my day. Sure, I’ve had a couple customers contact me this morning about when their project will be ready but I can handle that. Husband is out working. He makes the majority of the money. He would honestly let me not work at all if that’s what I wanted. You see, although he is not faithful, he is also not wanting to leave me. He just feels the need to have something extra going on, on the side, ya know? I hate it and it kills me inside but I smile and try to be thankful for the life I have and the life my kids are able to have.
Ya, hubby is working on himself. He says it will never happen again. He also said that the last time, and the time before. So I really have no reason to believe this time will be the magic time that things really change. I just know that although he has a secret life that he continues to want to keep me around and take care of me. He honestly treats me like a princess when he is around me. He rarely complains and always wants to do things for me. It’s often irritating. (I know that sounds bad) It’s irritating because I know his secret. I know that he shares secrets with other women. So although he treats me like I’m special, I don’t feel special. However, I am taken care of in a financial sense and I appear by others to be treated well. In a way, I am treated well. I’m just an emotional wreck on the inside.
I still don’t know how to navigate this life. I try to trust in God but faith is hard right now. Mostly I just want to ignore the world and sleep a lot. I can’t do that as I do have a business to run and kids to care for but it sounds so nice.
I should get back to real work now before I completely piss off my customers. Just glad to have a place to vent.