September 28, 2015
Today is an especially hard day. Just when I begin to think that I’m getting better, BPD shows up to put me back in my place. Today I really don’t know who I am. I’m conflicted between who I’d like to be and who I feel like I might be. What does that mean? I have no clue. I can feel the stress overwhelming me. Trying to separate my habits and how to be in the workplace is wearing me down and I’m bringing my insanity home with me. I’ve been incredibly bitchy and short with him. I wanna throw up, pass out, and wake up again. Like I’m jus recovering from a bad hangover, put me in the hospital to make me feel better. He’s disgusted by me but what else is new, I haven’t felt like this is a while. So hallow, lonely, numb In a sense, and insane. Give me the bottle so I can drink myself asleep and awake when things make sense. I know I’m not okay but I like it that way.