don’t get it

My last few journal entries haven’t saved. I wrote an entry this morning and it’s gone. 

I was very frustrated this morning. John pulled me down because he was barking at a dog across the street from us on our walk. I hurt my shoulder and my knee. I got home and Noah’s stupid cat had peed on my rug again. I really hate that cat. I get so aggravated with those god dam animals I want to get rid of all of them. I can imagine how clean my house would be without them. Noah had a fit when I told him I wanted to get rid of his cat. It pisses me off that he is so passionate about a fucking cat, but he doesn’t seem to give a shit about how badly his father hurts me. 

I was back down to killing myself thoughts level this morning. Yesterday going to Cincinnati with Brent was really hard. It hurts me so much that he won’t give me a chance. I don’t know how I am going to ever be happy again. I don’t know how I will ever be able to accept my life as it is. I really believe I am near the end for me. I keep looking for something to help me want to keep going. I keep reaching but not finding anything. I am trying to come up with something to look forward to but I don’t have anything. 

2 thoughts on “don’t get it”

  1. Dear girl, just take it one day at a time, when things are that bleak. As Elizabeth Elliot said: “Just do the next thing.” It helps. At one time in my life I considered ending it. I was so mistaken! Life got better, and yours will too. Stay close to God and ask Him to help you. He will. Hugs, Grace.

  2. A cat pees on a carpet instead of a litter box for a few reasons. It’s not to upset you (although I completely relate to how frustrating it is).

    Is the cat neutered? A tom cat will spray to mark his territory. If he’s doing it near a window this is most likely the case. He’s telling outside animals “This is my house”.

    Cats will re-mark their old spots if they aren’t cleaned properly. What’s proper to you and proper to a cat are 2 very different things. Bleach does NOT deter them. You need a special cleanser to break up the protein in the urine. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the store bought cleansers are not cheap. I highly recommend Nature’s Miracle Remover (Pet Smart & Petco have it). It’s about $40 a bottle. Maybe you can Google search to find a cheaper home remedy or perhaps Noah could.

    Cats don’t like a dirty litter box. Even if it sorts seems clean, a picky cat may not think so. It’s recommended to have 1 box per cat and to scoop them daily. They should be thoroughly cleaned out and filled with fresh litter once a week. (I have 4 cats in my house & 5 litter boxes – eek!)

    My last thought is that it’s a medical problem. Cats are prone to all sorts of unitary track issues. A vet visit might be necessary in the future to rule this out. Cats hide pain extremely well.

    Hope any of this helps… maybe it’s about time to have a talk with your household about taking responsibility for their pets!? This shouldn’t all fall on you.

    Also, in regards to how you feel – rise from the ashes of this low point. There will be better and brighter days ahead. Love yourself. You deserve it. You are worth it.

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