My last few journal entries haven’t saved. I wrote an entry this morning and it’s gone.
I was very frustrated this morning. John pulled me down because he was barking at a dog across the street from us on our walk. I hurt my shoulder and my knee. I got home and Noah’s stupid cat had peed on my rug again. I really hate that cat. I get so aggravated with those god dam animals I want to get rid of all of them. I can imagine how clean my house would be without them. Noah had a fit when I told him I wanted to get rid of his cat. It pisses me off that he is so passionate about a fucking cat, but he doesn’t seem to give a shit about how badly his father hurts me.
I was back down to killing myself thoughts level this morning. Yesterday going to Cincinnati with Brent was really hard. It hurts me so much that he won’t give me a chance. I don’t know how I am going to ever be happy again. I don’t know how I will ever be able to accept my life as it is. I really believe I am near the end for me. I keep looking for something to help me want to keep going. I keep reaching but not finding anything. I am trying to come up with something to look forward to but I don’t have anything.