Unmovitivated cleaning up time

I’m lazy today. I have not left my couch since last night to grab a beer and use the bathroom. Depression sucks. I need a shower, but I’d rather a bath with bubbles. That consists of cleaning the tub, I don’t know whether I’m that motivated or not. My ex didn’t come over, we talked a few times. I’m expecting a call from him soon. Tomorrow he asked if I’d come to his work site and wait on a delivery with him. I told him I would. Then he stated he wanted to talk, he’s worried about me. I did do some unmentionable things while we were together and he stayed with me threw a lot of it. I want us to get back together, it doesn’t feel like we’re not together but also doesn’t feel as if we are. Maybe it never felt like we were. It did. It did at one point, before he moved back in with his now wife. That crushed me. I tried to act like it didn’t. He said it was for his two kids, who are both 7, and 8. It isn’t easy that’s all I can say. I’m hoping someday it’ll change. He helps me out a lot when it comes to necessities, like Uber, Grubhub, even gave me a debit card which he’ll load 100.00 every so often. He admitted even as friends he’ll still help me out. He pays me off for his absence. I miss sleeping with him at night, or waking up to him getting ready for work. I took that short time for granted, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to feel it again. I’m 27 by the way. I’ve been in a couple other relationships, one lasting 4 years who treated me horribly and another lasting only a one and treated me really well. I just wasn’t ready for a committed relationship like he was. We were 18 at the time.  

I just got off the phone with Freddy (the ex) he’ll be here tomorrow and I have some cleaning up to do before the morning. I let my apartment go. At least the kitchen is not at its worst… I hate cleaning the kitchen, but I have a carpet full of clothes. The seasons are changing. Its 67 opposed to a few days ago it was at 87. Time to separate summer and fall clothes. I hate laundry too.

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