Venting

The feeling of inadequacy is inevitable sometimes, having not one person (apart from my mum whom is awesome but I digress) to talk to, face to face with nothing but honesty probably has a lot to do with it.

I have a partner…. We’ll call him the otherhalf, I love the bones of him but infuriating is not a drastic enough word to describe how lonely I feel even though I have him.

Work is the plague that brings my loneliness, work, work, work and more fucking work! Now do not begin to think I am ungrateful that my otherhalf provides for me and works hard to pay the bills because I am but when his job is the ONLY thing seems to care about its hard to stay grateful.

During times of crisis he is… In work, I ask him to come home early for once…. He stays late, we have such an amazing time with our family and alone when he’s not preoccupied with his job or actually at his job, so I don’t understand how when I ask him to take days off I feel like I’m forcing him to? Like I’m trying to pull out teeth with my bare hands? 

Even as I’m writing this just to vent, I feel guilty, like I shouldn’t complain but surely him preferring to go to work even when he absolutely doesn’t have to is reason to? I don’t know anymore and that worries me more than it should.. …

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