I guess I didn’t know

Usually I’m aware of myself. I try to make the best of what I have because I could have not had it. It’s a blessing to have good things in your life. A best friend, a good job, a good grandmother, okay coworkers.

But lately I started to realize that I’m happier when people reach out to me. This never really happened before. Or maybe it tried but I was alway so closed. Or maybe I just didn’t want to hang out with those people. But the people that are reaching out to me now are great kind hearted people who want to have fun.

I’m so happy when I hear from them and surprised that when time (a month) passes, they still want to hang out. I guess I don’t disappear like I usually do either. I am more sure of myself so I know I’ll be okay regardless of what happens.

Going through this has made me realize how lonely I was.

I didn’t know I was lonely.

There was always something to do and talk to my best friend, grandmother, and people at work, do my hobbies, and watch episodes. 

After talking to these coworkers outside of work I started noticing a difference in how I felt. I saw things that I’ve alway wanted to do start to happen.

It was then I realized that all this time I was lonely. Lonely for what? I didn’t get it.

I was lonely because I had feelings inside and I wasn’t connecting to anyone around me. Even though you can share love with people who are close to you, at the end of the day you are totally different people.

Now I was being touched. I was alive.

Thank you.

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