Trying to forget….

I still love u. I want to let go and I’m desperately trying because I know that you will not change. I know that I act cold to you but I’m trying to protect myself. Because deep down my only dream was to marry and spend the rest of my life with you… but you changed…. you want me to believe that everything is the same. But I don’t feel you. When you are right next to me I don’t even know who is next to me anymore. It feels strange and it hurts me to the core. After almost a year of trying to let everything go I move two steps closer to forgetting then I sit and I can’t help it. Something changed. You changed. I want the person you were back. I miss my man, my friend, partner, the one I wanted to build and empire with. You say nothing has changed but this feels empty. You say we can fix it but I know that you won’t make the move to get it done or fix what used to be our love. You say that nothing has changed and that you are still here but I feel as though my heart was abandoned. I love u. I wish I could stop loving you. I wish I could erase the past and every special moment shared and not feel this. I really am trying my hardest to forget you…. but I still love you. I hate that my heart still belongs to you or the person you used to be. Every Night I pray God let me forget, let me not feel then at the end of the prayer I ask God to undo whatever changed you..  and I have faith in God but I’ve lost faith in you. I really really want to stop loving you..

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