I hate feeling so helpless

This is probably the part I hate more than the times he lashes out at me. The silent period after. When I’ll need to communicate with him about the stuff, ie. the kids (who will pick them up, who will take them to dance class, did they eat, etc) and there is just a block on everything. Single word answers that make it impossible to co-parent normally with him. He’s totally fine with the kids but with me there is just no remorse from him. It makes me feel like all the crap he says about me during his rants are actually true. Then I get mad at myself for doubting myself and that there is no excuse for his behaviour.

Last night I’d told him to sleep in my son’s room, that I didn’t want him in our room and he slept there. But then he finished work and went straight to lie down on our bed. He does this every time and if I tell him to get out or go away he says he has every right to be there too. Half of our place is on each of our names and he knows he’s just as entitled as I am.

One of our friends has a birthday today (it’s actually the guy in that family who my husband hangs out with, I’m friends with the wife and each of our kids get on really well with their kids too). I told him seeing as it’s the guy who’s birthday it is that he should go with our son and for me and my daughter to stay home. I don’t want to go on my own with 2 kids when it’s his friends birthday. He refused point blank to go.  If no one goes I know our friends will get upset about it. But if I do go I just can’t handle anyone asking me anything. We also have another birthday on Sunday of one of our joint schools friends’ daughter (who gets one well with our daughter) and I’ll have to go to that.

I wish I could just go away for a few days and get space from him.

One thought on “I hate feeling so helpless”

  1. As a newlywed with no kids, I can’t tell you how many times I see women in your position. I used to pity ALL of them, until I started spending more time with my BFF for kidish events and I realized she has it under control.

    It just sounds like you’re doing most of the work with the “little” stuff that really isn’t so little, like birthday parties. Maybe you always have and maybe you always will? I think if you accept it, find joy in it and lower your expectations of him entirely you’ll be at peace a little more. It sucks that he doesn’t want to come to this kid’s birthday party with the family, but you know what? Fuck him. You don’t need him to come. He’s not being the ideal mate, partner or parent and there’s nothing you can do about it.

    That being said, if you don’t want to go don’t go. You’re a person too and maybe something came up. If my husband was being like that, I’d wake up early that morning and make myself scarce. Maybe a spa day. Whatever. No fucking way am I letting him get out of his fatherly obligation to go a fucking kid’s party!

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