I’m normal (I think) but my best friend is dead

I’m a pretty normal, healthy 29- yearold woman that’s a product of upper middle class upbringing. Happy childhood, great parents, college debt free, blah blah blah.

Having been scathed from many adult headaches and a rather burgeoning career in television production. I’m sad.

My best friend hung herself a year ago. And I’m learning everyday how to be okay with not being okay with it.

To say (let’s call her Sara)…saying Sara was my best friend is an understatement. She was my stability, strength when I wasn’t, biggest cheerleader, confidant, family. She was my heartbeat.

Most days I’m as okay as one can be with it. Some days I’m sad. And some days I’m really fucking angry with her.

Today I’m the latter. I’m angry. Maybe for selfish reasons that she’s not here for me to vent to about my work stress, or tell her about my amazing boyfriend whom I know she’d be happy for me over.

I just miss her and our friendship. 

In a fucked up way her suicide has made me a happier calmer person. I appreciate the little kind gestures from others more, it’s made me a stronger friend for others (I’ve always been, but now even more so.) and it’s set my level of ducks to give very high.

 

im surving without her. Therefore I know I can survive anything.

 

but today I’m sad nd angry that she’s gone.

and I’m angry I won’t know what she looks like at 40 or 50 or 60. I’m angry that she broke her promise to me. 

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