Car Park Smiles

16th September ’16


I’ve finished my night shift. I’ve never wanted to shrink so much in my life. I feel like I am compressing everything I am in that place. I am vulnerable. Am I overthinking or just in denial. I’m so miserable around everyone. I know they notice. The spots on my chin got made fun of.

Then a colleague asked me for sex three times. But that’s okay for a man to do I see. Plagued with the secret, I am gay. I miss her. I saw her for 5 minutes. She came to work as I left. She laughed on that car park.  I felt more right at that moment than the whole night. I want my mum I miss her like crazy it’s making me want to cry. I dreamt she died and uncontrollably cried. So much of who I am relies on her. 

Ozzy is swimming around his tank, he thinks he’s a shark. I got a skateboard. I felt stupid buying it. I feel happier now. 


It’s really light I should sleep.



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