So On Top of Insulting And Attacking My Fiancé, My Parents Cut Me Off

Last night I called my parents in Sweden and I shared with them the good news that I am engaged, as well as my decision to drop out of the university. I was expecting them to be angry with me about the university but I figured they would be at least ‘okay’ with my engagement and work themselves up to being happy for me. My mother is just very angry with me, my father says he is angry and hurt by my decisions. They also seemed very hurt that I hadn’t included any conservation about this before doing so, but I am an adult I replied. Which I am, and I have all rights to my life, I guess they’re just upset they can’t control me. However I was sympathetic to their concerns and I do feel responsible for not including them into my personal life anymore. But then, they started to “lash out” at my boyfriend.

I’m guessing my mom was, well obviously she was caught off guard by my phonecall, but she started to attack Ramsay. And at the time we were Facetiming, so when he heard her attacking him he joined the conversation. All he did was apologize for not including her in the decision, and apologized to my dad (although he had already left), but my mom was just very upset and she started to attack him saying he was “responsible for manipulating my daughter” and that she “doesn’t trust him, that she started to distrust him since the last dinner and visit”. Ramsay just took all that abuse and all he did was apologize for her feeling that way, he never reciprocated in the hostile conversation. He just sat there apologizing while my mother was attacking him, so I became angry and I told her to calm down, but she was being melodramatic and saying really mean things insulting his character so I got and angry and defensive of Ramsay. The argument got so bad between us that I told her that whether she liked it or not, whether she accepted it or not, I had made my decision and I am standing by Ramsay and I am getting married. By now, she had become very upset that she started to tear up and I told her I was sorry for her feeling the way she does but I was angry that she was attacking Ramsay and that she was being unreasonable. Ultimately she gave me an ultimatum as a threat to do what they want, (my father now came back) and my parents both gave me an ultimatum. They said that if I continue my engagement and I do not return to the university that they would proceed to cut me off financially. And I do not work, I have been very fortunate in my life to never worked a day in my life, my parents pay for everything, my school, my life, everything so I have no way of supporting myself. So on top of insulting and attacking my fiance, they want to “force” me to leave him? I was not having that. 

I became so angry that I told them both that I didnt need any time thinking it over (they said they were giving me a few days to think about it) and I told them right then and there that I was going to marry Ramsay whether they liked it or not. I also told them that similarly how they are cutting me off financially I am cutting them out of my life. My poor Ramsay, all he did was apologize and tried to dissuade the arguments but he ended up  being attacked for it. My mother made the point that I was going to be on the streets if I didn’t do what they said, so then she threatened to come to the US and forcibly bring me back to Sweden. Ramsay, he was also hurt that they were being so unreasonable, so he told her that she didn’t need to worry about me being on the streets that he was going to be taking care of me, and he would support me financially and that if they didn’t want to be part of our lives, that they didn’t need to be. He then wished them a good life and hung up on them. 

Once the call was over, I started to cry and Ramsay just held me and promised me everything was going to be okay and ultimately we would be better off. So today, it’s 2PM and I wake up to a few emails from the bank, a few notifications from the change in accounts and I no longer have access to any of my money, I have $0.00 available. Also, I get a notification from the electricity company that my account has been paid for the month and then closed. So at the end of Oct 25 I will no longer have electricity. I know that it’s only the weekend so I expect to be receiving a lot more emails and notifications about my gas and water being turned off. Surprisingly my phone is still activated but because I have a contract and automatic credit card payment I don’t know how that will work. I did call my “land lord” and we’re meeting Monday so I can let him know whats going on because I always paid the rent in cash, that I got from the bank. Now I have to let him and his wife (the owners) know about my situation. It’s starting to hit me now, how overwhelming this is going to be. But I didn’t choose this, my parents are being the irrational ones. I don’t even have money to buy groceries, I have 0 money available for even purchasing a $1 bottle of water. This is the extent of my parents love, that’s what Ramsay is saying and it’s completely true. Its only “love” and “family” as long as I do what they say. 

But what has really hurt me the most is that I tried calling my little brother but my mom (i’m assuming – my dad can barely skype) has blocked my number, so now I have no way of contacting him. And we’re very close, so it hurts my feelings so much, I tear up everytime I think about it. So now I am disgusted by her decisions and her “parenting” so I just woke up and after seeing all of the aftermath, getting all the emails and notifications I just broke down. Ramsay just woke up because he heard me crying in the office room and he just picked me up like a baby and held me tightly. He’s my love, and now he’s the only family I have left. He told me he was really hurt by the way they’re treating me, so he calmed me down and then told me to start packing because I’m moving out this weekend. He said its best to pack my things and move out to his place. I think he’s completely right. Since I am getting kicked out of my only  house by my parents at the end of the month, I have no money, I can only rely on Ramsay now. We’re looking for movers today and hopefully get some people to come tomorrow or Monday and I will be gone by the end of the week.

I still can’t believe they did this, I can’t. I don’t understand how they could do this to me, simply because I’m not doing what they want. But if it wasn’t for Ramsay I would have given into their demands too. But he held me back and told me not to give into them, and be strong, and I did. The issue now is that since I have dropped out of the university (although not legally or “formally” yet) that means I cannot stay in the country on my student visa. So Ramsay told me the best thing is to get married as quickly as possible.  I also  think it’s the best thing to get married sooner rather than later. I wanted a spring wedding, but I don’t really have a reason to wait for people who are not coming anyway. I think it would be so much simpler and cute if we had our own little intimate wedding. I am Catholic and Ramsay was baptized into the Catholic church and he knows how important it is to me, so we’re getting married at church , thats all I know. The rest doesn’t matter anymore, as long as we’re husband and wife at the end of the day. 

I still feel like this is surreal, I can’t grasp the reality of it yet. But I know that it will be okay, my love is there for me no matter what. I just need to be strong like him. 

3 thoughts on “So On Top of Insulting And Attacking My Fiancé, My Parents Cut Me Off”

  1. In all honesty, from an outsiders protective, I completely emphasize with why your parents cut you off. If you want to be an adult, they expect you to act like one. They were supporting you to assist you with your education and to better your future. I’m not understanding why you can not marry Ramsay and continue your education. Why is it one or the other rather than both? If you are adult enough to quit schooling than why are you not adult enough to support yourself. Your parents just gave you a dose of tough love.

  2. I guess now you can pick out the mothers in the comment section… I am sorry to be a killjoy, but Therealgoddessioanna is right. Though I guess she has not read much of your journal, or else she would know that your fiancé seems to be the kind of guy who wants to control your life completely and of course there is no room for your education in his plans. My daughter can do whatever she wants, but only if I am sure it was HER idea, not any man’s. And btw, if I ever saw her with suspicious bruises, this man would go down really quickly and quietly.
    Besides, it is possible to earn a living and still make it to PhD. 😉
    I fully understand that this is not what you wanted to hear and that’s okay. The lesson will only linger if you discover it yourself. Just watch out for yourself and don’t let anyone hurt you ever again.

  3. “he would know that your fiancé seems to be the kind of guy who wants to control your life completely and of course there is no room for your education”.

    Oh, I’ve read quite a few on Anette’s entries. I have an adoptive brother with a similar diagnosis. I understand that by asking you to make this choice what he really wanted was to know completely that you’d put him first, which Anette does.

    It’s just this, Anette, you are a very intelligent person. After the wedding than what? Are there goals for your future with Ramsey? What if something happens? Let’s say you hypothetically break up, he gets arrested, or worse? How will you be able to support yourself?

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