Kicked out

dad kicked me out last night. Kind of. Im really bad at dealing with shit. Mostly I hate confrontations. Especially with my parents. Especially since it’s the same stuff we fight over. 

I’m twenty one and newly single as of 2 weeks ago. I want to go out and regain my social life. Mostly I want to find some one. 

This whole month has just been a mess. 

The only reason my parents were upset with me is because I left my dog at home while I was out this weekend. This happens like every 2 months? A stupid overreaction of me leaving my dog at home while I have a weekend to fucking breathe. 

Mostly because I feel sick of being depressed and just wallowing around feeling sorry about J breaking up with me. 

Bastard. 

At least I’m keeping myself busy. I’m more just lonely then anything now.

J and I dated for 9 months and 10 months before that. We split up after my brother died then we got back together about 6 months later. 

I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him this time though. I wanted to check out the first night. I still have the thought sometimes. But whatever. 

I’m not ugly. I’m not a model by any extent either. But I’m not ugly. I’m 5″4. I have a small butt, B cup but nearly a C cup, my legs are muscular and toned as is the rest of my body, I have a flat tummy unless I’m bloated. I can’t complain. My eyes are green hazel but look like a gold color at first glance I have shoulder length hair. Unnaturally dark brown because J liked it darker. Ass. 

I’m not much of a pot head but it’s been a good choice for me lately I know I’ll over drink if I don’t have something to chill me the fuck out. That’s how I met D a few weeks ago at party at my best friends house. 

I was attracted to him instantly. It was hard not to be. He screamed bad boy and is totally my type. 

I was still dating J at that time but D gave me the look. D asked me if I wanted to go back to his place to smoke a bowl with a couple other people. I figure since there would be other people it wouldn’t be weird nor cheating because I would just be there to smoke a bowl. Plus I live 5 minutes away from his house so if I wanted to leave it would be easy to. 

I could see on his face that I literally could have just asked him and the deed could have been done. By the time the first bowl was done I was stoned I could tell. No way was I driving. It was just me two other girls, one guy and D. 

I do this thing were I pick on younger girls. I think it’s hilarious, they take things either way to seriously or they don’t even catch the hint. 

I started to do it with the girls there and one was so stoned she couldn’t even speak the other didn’t smoke at all but she caught on to my little tricks quick and peaced out. Which made me feel relieved. I just really don’t like girls. 

By that time it had to be 4 in the morning. D set up an air mattress in the living room for his friend.

I could see him hinting at going to his room but I’m not a cheater.  

I knew J and I were falling apart but I still love him so I just settled on the couch and passed out. 

J never found out about that but whenever we fight I’d usually go and party. 

Fast forward to J and me breaking up after drinking my self to near death and taking my grandma on a trip I decided it was time to stop crying. So I messaged D.

I had to get drunk to get the courage to sleep with him but eventually I did it. 

It wasn’t until we started to even touch that I realized how cross faded I was. So I don’t really remember it. I know the next day I felt good that I did it though. It was a good confidence booster that I could still get a good looking guy and it kinda felt like a good fuck you to J. 

I wanted more though. I love sex. I think sex is my favorite thing in the world. It’s not even just me getting pleasure I love giving people pleasure. 

Since I Figured… that D would be easy to get again I messaged him. No response. Damnit. I didn’t like that. 

The whole reason I got him to talk to me in the first place was because I work for a rental agency and he rents through us. Signed on with a crazy ex that got arrested for having meth and he kicked her out  

Luckily for me she called and was attempting to get him off the lease without her knowing. 

I really wanted to warn him not only because I wanted him to talk to me but I wanted for him not to screwed over by this snarky bitch. She really was too and younger which made me hate her more. 

So I did. I messaged him warned him and then HE DIDNT MESSAGE ME BACK AGAIN. DICK. I told him I wasn’t trying to bud in to his life or anything. And he said that he appreciated it. Then nothing. God I’m not use to that at all. 

Maybe im losing my touch. When J and I broke up the first time I had at least 3 guys at my whim. (I know I’m a slut. Whatever.) 

So I figured what the hell. Just this past Friday I decided to let it go. D obviously had a crazy bitch to entertain and I don’t really want anything to do that drama anyway. 

I text my BFF, E. Told her we are going out and we hit the bars. Everywhere we stopped I got some of the attention that I was looking for but it wasn’t happening. We were having a great time ended up at party made out with a old fling but, I really just wanted to go to bed. I had a couple boys on strings but I still didn’t have it in me. Idk if I wasn’t drunk enough or what nobody has just been my flavor. I missed J. Ended up passing out with a cuddle buddy. He tried but no he’d have to settle for some pitiful kisses and I slept. 

Saturday I had to go to a funeral. Blake was his name. A lot of close friends knew him. I had my fair share of memories of him but I didn’t know him super well but I felt the need to be supportive. I dressed really nice though. I felt pretty. 

After that I went and drank a beer to cure my hang over from the night before and went over to E’s. We decided to throw a party. Because what way else to handle your The first guy I could find interesting enough I put him in my web. It was fine till he started touching me. Then I realized he one of the creeps. Finally the party started in full motion and it started to be easier to distance myself. I started to drink less and just socialized. Made sure I hit a glass of water and called on some guys friends to get creepy away from me and decide to play some pong to keep me occupied. 

I was messing with the songs when I look up and see D. I barely recognized him. Mostly because he was 100% sober  or maybe I was drunker than I thought. He was hot, I hated how he dressed but he was hot. 

Blonde hair, cut into the stupid hipster cut, short on the sides but long on top. He looked boyish but with a kick of manliness with how his body was shaped. He is skinny with broad shoulders that made it so you could see his coller bones stick out. Yum. 

Anyway, he looks at me and says “Heyyy”. I was blushing out of embarrassment because of texting him and the lack of response. Fucker. So I promptly and as sassy as could said Hey and walked away. I found E and convinced her to distract me but she was passing out. So I wallowed up the stairs to the upstairs apartment were the party was as soon I opened the door he was right in my line of sight in the bedroom with two others. 

He smiled and I was just wrapped up in it. His teeth are perfect I swear. Still dressed like a douche though. 

I went in and they were smoking a bowl, it was him and two others that he brought along with him that worked at his worked  we all smoked and one of the guys left. D then asked if I could give him and his friend a ride home. Being partially sober at that time I agreed and started to smoke. We must have sat and talked for an hour before his friend left. 

I asked D if he was ready because it was getting late and we left. He asked if I was hungry and I didn’t realize I didn’t eat all day and said yes. it was just after 2am so nothing was open but super1 so we went in and bought a sandwich and some drinks. Flirting and holding hands the entire time. It’s weird but it was fun, kinda high and a little bit drunk still I could tell I was being a bit obnoxious but he just laughed at me I loved it it was so fun. 

We went to his house and ate our sandwiches and started a movie and just talked. I told him things I didn’t think I would tell him. He told me things about him and he was just so straight forward . Him and his ex have two  kids. I knew he had kids from the first time I went over to his house (toys crib ever.) but he told me the extent of how everything happened. And other things. 

I crawled on the couch and started to watch the movie and the dead was done. It was great I actually remember it and it was so satisfying to do. He cuddled and slept til noon the next day. I could tell he wanted more in the morning but I just couldn’t completely sober I thought of J and I really need to go home I sure smelled like booze cigarettes and morning breath. I got high before I left and went to get some food and ended up being to high to do much but read a book. Which was fine with me. 

After some food I felt good enough to face my parents. I hadn’t been home all weekend and left my dog there so they usually get pissed off when I do that. I knew that they’d be pissed. 

I got home and right on que my dad steps outside. I walked up ” you need to leave for at least 2 hours so I can be civil with you. Take your dog and leave”  I sighed and asked if I could at least change and denying my request I got pissed and left. 

I went to the store and got some clothes to change into. Went and sat at a park with bear and just read more of my book. I finally went to E’s and texted D asking him if I could come over cause I got kicked out. NO FICKING REPLY.  

I stayed at E’s and called of work totally just not in the mood to deal. 

Went home and changed. Everyone was at work and they never lock the door. And went to the college to try to figure out how to get back in. 1,048 dollars I have yet to pay. Fuck.

Took bear (my dog) for a walk and am now at a bar.  

Wondering what to do tonight.  

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