One thing you say you think but you really don’t
I often say that I don’t know if I ever want children but that is the furthest from the truth. The fact is that I say that so that if it never happens for me that people won’t know how utterly disappointed I will be. My life is so uncertain right now that I often wonder if it will ever happen for me, will I ever meet someone I trust enough to share my life with or even more to have a child with. I also struggle with the financial aspect of children, I want to be able to give my children experiences, vacations, day trips, museums, beaches etc. I’m not expecting to be a millionaire but I want to be able to be a little secure in my finances before it’s a possibility.
I have serious trust issues right now, and I often fear that I may push away good men because I am damaged, I’m hoping that I heal and my wall slowly cracks but right now it’s pretty impenetrable so the idea of trusting someone enough to have children with is terrifying and so I say I’m not sure if I want them so that if I never have the opportunity that I can put on a brave face for the world.
*What you can’t say owns you, what you hide controls you*