Drowning

It’s like I’m drowning and can’t swim to the shore. I don’t know how to feel. My heart is always fluttering. Not a good way, it feels like a plan. I don’t like it. It is killing me on the inside. I miss him more than anything. We still talk, but not a good talk. We are no longer a couple. We just talk for a “minute” because it is hard to get out of sync. 

“I want a break” I don’t do breaks.. You promised forever and you broke that. You are gone. Did you know this was coming? Did you just not want to break my heart? 

You are killing me. Just writing this I feel like I am choking on water. Like, there is nothing I can do to rise to the surface and breath. Breath.. Something I can’t seem to do with out you. You.. You caused this. Before you I couldn’t wait to stop breathing. I couldn’t wait until I sliced my vain the right way and I would be gone. I couldn’t wait until I was bleeding out on the floor not giving a damn on what happen to me.

But instead… I overdosed.. I over dosed on you and fell madly in love. I overdosed and lost sight of who I was because I was so caught up in being with you and actually breathing.. But you are gone and I am no longer breathing.. It makes me feel empty… Well, not empty. But.. dead.. I don’t feel anything at all. I’m just tired.. exhausted really.

He is gone. Which means I am gone. I am lost. I am empty. I don’t feel anything at all at this point. I just want to be happy for once. But that doesn’t seem to be a thing. I’m done with everyone and everything. 

From this day forward I will no longer trust anyone. Everyone here is petty and they aren’t jack shit. I want nothing to do with anyone or anything. I want to be gone.

Anthony, He has moved on. Him talking to girls has helped him get over this. He is okay. He uses this as a distraction from everything. He is okay. If he is okay than I need to be okay. I need to be okay because he is doing good and that should make me happy.

I hate this I hate all of this.

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