Okay, Noah’s cat is gone. She peed on my rug two more times just in the last 24 hours. He took her to Brent’s. I spent $132 to have my rug cleaned today. I cleaned a lot downstairs today. I washed and ironed all the slip covers on one of the couches, and really cleaned the kitchen well. I took some books to sell at half price books, some pillowcases to the Hope Center, and a box of other stuff to Goodwill. I re-filled out the surrender form to give Ben away. I feel really horrible about it right now. I am guilty as hell. The reality is, though, if I actually want to move to NYC, I have to give up the dogs. I just can’t have two giant dogs in the city. I have been frustrated with taking care of them here, too. I am aggravated with everything being dirty all the time and the hair all over everything all the time. Noah wants to take John to Brent’s, which is suppose is okay except he won’t get walked. They are both way too lazy. Noah wants to take his furniture out of his bedroom but I don’t want him to. I am going to tell him he cannot take it until I sell my house. I will decide then if I want to let him have it. That chest was $400, and I really, really like it. The bed he can have, and the night stand he can have, but not the chest.
I talked to a head hunter for teachers today. She is looking for me a job. She has one right now in Tiawan. Um, no. I’m not ready for that right now. I would rather go to NYC.
The bottom line is I have to make a decision about Ben. I do love him, but 1. I cannot go as long as I have him 2. I don’t want to watch him get old and die 3. I hate the dirt and hair and chewing up of everything.
I don’t know what to do. I certainly wish I had never gotten either dog. I feel so very terrible no matter what I do. I regret everything it seems no matter what choice I make. I need some help and some guidance. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. Please someone help me.