A Big Day of Change

Today things are happening. Noah began moving his things to Brent’s. I am living alone for the first time since I was 22 years old. Wow. I also re-homed Ben today. I know ultimately it’s what is best for him. Yes, I love him and it was hard to let him go, but even if I was going to stay right here, I just can’t afford to take care of him. I definitely bit off more than I could chew. I took on too many animals. I had too much to take care of and I was overwhelmed. I don’t understand how people hoard animals. I had 4 and it was killing me. A vet tech told Noah and me she has 12 cats when we were there this week. Holy shit. No one should have 12 cats. That sounds like hoarding to me. Good lord, scooping the litter boxes would be a full time job! 

My house is now down to me, John, and Sophie. We literally cut our numbers in half this weekend. The scientist part of me is curious to see if I see a drop in the water or electric bills. I am definitely selling my house in the spring now. I don’t know if I will actually move to NYC, but I have definitely put things in motion for it to happen. 

I have also been thinking I should have moved everyone out when I was thinking of killing myself. I should have gotten all the animals and Noah settled elsewhere before I did it. That would have made it easier on all of them. I guess I’ll have to keep that in mind if I get that low again. I am kidding, I think. I hope I am never in that place again. 

I have to keep pushing forward and looking for my niche. I don’t think I have found it yet. 

I am going to try very hard to take better care of John and Sophie now that they are my onlies. I am hopeful that I am making positive changes in my life that will lead to happiness. I don’t know – I don’t remember the last time I was happy. It has been several years ago. I hope I can feel happy again before I die. 

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