How do I get from an argument because I wanted to get the car my dad and I drive cleaned and my mum was talking like maybe we won’t be able to get it done today, to arguing about being raped when I was 18 by an also mentally ill boyfriend I was engaged to? 🙁 I hate how I get such an over emotional reaction that makes me so angry I can’t sit with it and I just carry on being angry which makes the other person angry, which makes me angry to the point I can’t cope anymore and my mind inside is screaming and drowning out all sense of rationality. A simple argument just spirals into an argument about things that have happened in the past that I don’t ever really get over and it’s just so ridiculous and pathetic and I hate it, I hate me.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. It’s the most commonly recognised personality disorder.
In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels or relates to others.
The symptoms of BPD can be grouped into four main areas:
- emotional instability – the psychological term for this is ‘affective dysregulation’
- disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – (‘cognitive distortions’ or ‘perceptual distortions’)
- impulsive behaviour
- intense but unstable relationships with others
If you have BPD, you may experience a range of often intense negative emotions, such as:
- long-term feelings of emptiness and loneliness
You may have severe mood swings over a short space of time.
It’s common for people with BPD to feel suicidal with despair, and then feel reasonably positive a few hours later. Some people feel better in the morning and some in the evening. The pattern varies, but the key sign is that your moods swing in unpredictable ways.
Borderline personality disorder, also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder, is a long term pattern of abnormal behaviour characterized by unstable relationships with other people, unstable sense of self, and unstable emotions. There is often an extreme fear of abandonment, frequent dangerous behaviour, a feeling of emptiness, and self-harm. Symptoms may be brought on by seemingly normal events. The behaviour typically begins by early adulthood, and occurs across a variety of situations. Substance abuse, depression, and eating disorders are commonly associated with BPD. About 6% to 10% of those with BPD die by suicide.
I really do I hate how accurate all this is…and I can predict how I’ll behave but I just can’t stop! The intense emotions happen in a second, just instantaneous and I don’t know how to stop the whole situation spiralling completely into catastrophic levels.
Just called my older sister for someone to talk to but she needs to go into a meeting now…she says mum just doesn’t know how to react to me…so now I’m just crying what feels like a thousand tears by myself, my make up is running black down my face again and I don’t know what to do. I know I’m pathetic but I just want a hug from my mum. Sometimes I really wonder what the hell I’m still doing here in this life, why am I still here after all the rubbish that’s happened, all the rubbish that mainly I’ve caused myself?
“I wonder why God lets me walk through this place?” 🙁 -SuperChick ‘Beauty from pain’