I can’t focus, so I’m sorry if this is all a pile of rubbish…. I just don’t know anymore… I don’t know why its just a constant on/off/on/off of tragically fecking shite to semi almost ok.
All the secrets, the arguments and the stropping off on your own when I’ve touched a nerve or pinpointed some obvious bullshit from you then off thine fecking goes!
I’m getting angry the more I write… I can feel it boiling beneath my skin, that itchy, hot and horrible feeling of pure rage… So real I can it in my veins… I never liked this feeling, I don’t like being angry but I am. Intact I’m goddamn mother fecking furious!! How? How can you try and accuse me of burning through money, when I have no access to anymore money than what you give me? How can you expect me to be ok with all the spew that comes out of your mouth about mysterious transactions that you know nothing about? Eurgh!!!! I’ve never wanted to throat punch someone so much in such a long time.. Its actually scaring me.
I just don’t know anymore and if I carry on with not knowing I’m scared of how I will react, whatever is going on needs to kindly fuck off from me (right now I wish it was him) because if this bi polar bollocks of being an idiotic, lying dickhead one day to a caring, loving useful human the next carries on it is really going to drain me of every last bit of sanity I have… not that its all that great anyway but no need to add more shit to my already hurricanes worth of shit storm…deolch (thanks)…
I do hope everyone else out there is having a lush day though x