One of those days when I don’t know if I can do this anymore…

I can’t focus, so I’m sorry if this is all a pile of rubbish…. I just don’t know anymore… I don’t know why its just a constant on/off/on/off of tragically fecking shite to semi almost ok. 

All the secrets, the arguments and the stropping off on your own when I’ve touched a nerve or pinpointed some obvious bullshit from you then off thine fecking goes!

I’m getting angry the more I write… I can feel it boiling beneath my skin, that itchy, hot and horrible feeling of pure rage… So real I can it in my veins… I never liked this feeling, I don’t like being angry but I am. Intact I’m goddamn mother fecking furious!! How? How can you try and accuse me of burning through money, when I have no access to anymore money than what you give me? How can you expect me to be ok with all the spew that comes out of your mouth about mysterious transactions that you know nothing about? Eurgh!!!! I’ve never wanted to throat punch someone so much in such a long time.. Its actually scaring me.

I just don’t know anymore and if I carry on with not knowing I’m scared of how I will react, whatever is going on needs to kindly fuck off from me (right now I wish it was him) because if this bi polar bollocks of being an idiotic, lying dickhead one day to a caring, loving useful human the next carries on it is really going to drain me of every last bit of sanity I have… not that its all that great anyway but no need to add more shit to my already hurricanes worth of shit storm…deolch (thanks)…

I do hope everyone else out there is having a lush day though x

2 thoughts on “One of those days when I don’t know if I can do this anymore…”

  1. When I’m that angry I like to throw the lawn furniture. Then I lie about it and blame it on a bear.

    In all seriousness though, I hope you can get the the bottom of everything. It stinks to be accused of things you didn’t do. Thought: Do you think this person is using you as a cover to prevent you from seeing their own actions? Or do you think it’s just them jumping to conclusions too quickly? (You don’t have to answer this – it’s rhetorical).

    I hope this situation clears up for you.

    P.s. I wasn’t joking about the lawn chairs or the bear.

  2. Rebel- I like to think I’m being unreasonable but I know in not so it just makes me worse 🙁 I’ve definitely been blasting my music though since my massive headphones went to the great electrical beyond its not quite as good :/ its nice to know someone else understands how anger can completely take over sometimes and it really takes it toll 🙁 thanks sweets I hope you’re feeling better today 🙂 xxx
    The real goddess- bears?! Fecking bears?! Gotta be said though that actually had me rolling around on me sofa laughing 😀 I wish I could blame me throwing furniture on a bear haha! I hope I do too, as of today he’s still being shifty and has just left for work, though yes I have wondered on both points if you’re right :/ I will get to the bottom of things eventually, I always do. (That last part is supposed to sound like liam neeson haha)
    Ahh well a My Little Pony Equestrian girls movie is on so I’m gonna watch that with the girls 🙂 and it’s so not because I’ve secretly been waiting for the next equestria girls film at all -cough-… Its just because the girls want to watch it 😉
    I can’t believe you have bears by you 0_0 I was watching one of those I survived programs on CBS last night about a couple that got mauled in their living room by one, fairplay though the husband rugby tackled it when it was biting his wife and that’s badass. Kinda glad the only things we’ve gotta deal with in our woods is maybe an overly large squirrel haha!
    Thank you both for your comments really makes me feel better having someone to talk to :’) xxx

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