Before I met him I had spirit and life with no future. Now that I am his I have no spirit or life but there’s a reality of a future to come. Friday and Saturday nights hurt my spirit the most. I flip flop over the debate of what is the most important journey I want my life to take. I don’t doubt how much I love him. I don’t even doubt if I should be with him. I doubt if he can handle me. All my life I adapted to others perception and needs for me. If someone needed me to be mean, I was the cruelest. If someone needed empathy and pity, I cried before they had a chance to. If someone needed to be loved, I put my their heart before mine.
What I need from him is to be alive like I once was. He looks at the world as though it’s a garbage can and he’s the first piece of trash at the bottom of the can, which other people are dumping on. He has no belief that the world can be something better. He walks around numb with emotion or eyes. He has no dream beyond the basics of a human life…. Make money, get a house, have a family.
People don’t spend enough time questioning what they might miss. What makes them want what they want. Why are we so afraid to question our own desires?