Everything is such bullsthit

 I swear every time I ask him not to do something he does it.  Almost every time.  I really don’t know what to do anymore.  I feel like I am working so hard to keep myself together while every single thing that rips me apart is preventable.  I think I have a right to say No, I do not want any guns in my FUCKING house!!!!!  Is that too much to ask people?  I have been in trouble before and I refuse to go back down that road.  I wont.  But from the outside looking in it sure looks that way.  Does he care?  Nope.  Our bank accounts are frozen due too his back child support, then my entire paycheck got taken because of it. He had court on Wednesday, did he go?  No he did not.  He was afraid they would take him to jail, for a traffic warrant.  They may have I really don’t know, but I do know that for sure he will be going now.  I feel like I am in a relationship with a child.  Yes he is 10 years younger than me but he is a grown adult.  He is letting everything he cared about go right by him and he doesn’t even care.  His family, his work, and now I am on my way.  And he knows this.  I am tired of the secrets and lies and everything that comes with it.  I love him so you can imagine how this is killing me.  So, he does this crap, it puts me in a bad mood so I go around all day looking like the uptight bitch that the poor guy has to live with.  It is not fair.  This whole thing is not fair.  How can he love me if he is always doing things that make me upset?  I go to work, he has people over, girls, strangers whoever….  And keeps on even after I beg him to not.  I feel like this is my karma, but I am a good person. I haven’t done anything in my life to deserve this, being basically tortured (not physically) by the man I absolutely love with all my heart.  I shouldn’t have negative karma like this.  I just don’t get it.

Gotta fly….

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