Previously back in the earlier days of my journal I have shared with you that I am an empath. If you don’t know what that means, I’m happy to explain. I quite literally feel and experience the emotions of people near me and people that I am connected to. I have my own emotions for sure, but at the same time I will feel other emotions mixed in with my own. So I could be happy that I just got paid and have kick ass plans to go on an epic hike, but at the same time I’ll be completely ridden with anxiety and I don’t know why. Later on I’ll find out that a close friend’s car broke down on the highway or they found out a family member is in hospital hence why even though I was having a good day why I felt completely terrible.
I have to be very careful with my emotions. I feel things very intensely. Sometimes I swear I can feel my anger or deepest sorrows literally tingling out of my toes, fingers, and head. People do not like to be near me when I’m upset because if I don’t ground my emotions I also have the ability to make them feel how I feel.
I’m a human lie detector. Deception has a rank smell and leaves a very soggy, heavy feeling in my stomach. Being in crowded places is a nightmare for me because I can feel every single person’s emotions and it is very difficult to distinguish what is me and what is not. I tend to prefer the company of animals because their emotions are less complex.
I may feel a thousand and one things that other people feel, but I do not know why they feel that way or what they are thinking. I can not read minds.
Before I realized I had this gift, I was a mess. I have used drugs in the past to numb myself because I was so depressed. Empaths are very prone to anxiety and depression.
I am awakened now. I recognize my gift for what it is. Upon researching what I can do to help myself and live I dreamed about, I learned that empaths are natural healers. My wretched life was given new meaning and new direction. No longer was I a monster who attracted people like magnets only to have those same people repulsed by me once they got close.
The first I learned was that meditating helped me calm myself and filter out any emotions that were not mine. I’d sit on my bed criss cross. Lights dimmed. No t.v. or distracting noise. I’d close my eyes. I’d start breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth. Visualize clean, white light coming inside of you as you inhale. When you exhale visualize the negativity (grey to black smoke) leaving you. When you meditate, you don’t want to actually think of anything. Think later. So just focus on breathing. Next focus on your heart beat. Feel the blood coming from all the various point of your body into your heart, then leaving it to recirculate.
I’ve got more tips like how to put yourself in a bubble or put a wall in between you and other people, but let’s do this in baby steps since I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or worry that it’d too much.
Now, here’s a few websites with more info if you are interested.
Also, don’t feel bad about the bp thing. Most empaths get diagnosed with one form of depression or another. How can we not? We have the ability to feel the Earth. That’s pretty amazing when you think about it.
I use to think that everyone felt the way I did and they just didn’t give a sheck. I was wrong. The way I feel is not a gift that every one has. It’s not that they don’t care. It’s impossible for them to understand how intense the range of emotions we experience actually is.
So I hope this helps. Sorry if some of it is badly written. It’s 430 am. I got home from work at 3 and wanted to write this for you before I went to bed.