It’s her. Has it always been her? Frankly, I don’t know. But I love her. And I dont use the word love carelessly. I love my best friend, or more like I am in love with my best friend sadly. Why sadly? Well because I simply dont want to be in love with her, which if you think about it makes sense. I really REALLY dont want to risk our friendship-she is truly my other half and understands me. To be honest, I am in no way shape or form a lovey person. I dont roll with the love life; I am just not an affectionate person really. I dont really connect to others well because I have my boundaries set so high that they are fundamentally impossible to reach. However, you see this happened. I deeply, with a burning passion, wish I didnt love her. All this thinking about her has emotionally and mentally drained me to the point where I cannot function around her. My hands get sweaty and I just stare because I am amazed by her beauty, and I realized (more like admitted to myself) today that I was attracted to her. I really could spend the rest of my life with her, but I know that realistically this cannot happen. I dont even know what to do.