It’s Saturday. I walked John, took him to the pet store and gave him a bath, went to WalMart, washed my clothes, and worked in cleaning up Noah’s office. I worked on fulling the holes in the walls and taped off the ceiling. I washed the baseboards and vacuumed around the baseboards. I have all of his stuff out of there now. I am going to paint in there tomorrow, I think. The cable people are coming on Monday to move the internet modem from that room to my bedroom. I also have some carpet cleaners coming. The carpet is disgusting and will have to be replaced, but I can’t afford to do that until I get my tax refund. I don’t know if I am selling. If I stay in Lexington, I don’t supposed I will, but why would I ever stay here? I supposed I got a tiny bit hopeful that I might have a friend Thursday night when I met someone from work for a beer. I am desperate for a friend.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 47 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."