Gloomy Sunday

Sunday and I, we have a love/hate relationship.
We’ve had plenty of good times but damn, have I had some emotional breakdowns on this beautiful day of rest.

Rest, it does strange things to me.
Silence seem to encourage the darkest thoughts in my head.
Doing nothing, makes me feel worthless.

Take today for example, I woke up early but stayed in bed for hours, sipping coffee, wasting time online.
It was a sunny day, I had planned to go downtown, wander around, enjoy the weather.
But I never made it out the door, I got stuck in my own bubble that feels safe.
And now here I am, writing this, feeling miserable for wasting a precious day off.

But why? Why do I feel like I ‘wasted’ it?
I lived, did little things that I enjoyed at the time. Just because I didn’t do anything worth sharing on social media, doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time. Right?

And this almost always ends up in me overthinking everything; my job, my love life, my social life, my existence.
By this time I’ve had one glass too many, I’m listening to dark music, my forehead is tense and tears are streaming down my face.

Why? I can’t find an answer. It’s almost as if, subconsciously, I live up to this moment where I can let it all out. Embrace the darkness. It feels safe. Unpleasant, but safe.

Goodnight Journal,


[now playing Bright Eyes – Lua]

One thought on “Gloomy Sunday”

  1. Hello, I know what you mean about feeling worthless when you do nothing on a lazy Sunday day. I just had one of those days last weekend and I felt so pathetic at the end of the day. I think its more of the fact we’re having these days alone because when I was in a relationship I enjoyed lazy Sunday days. But I think first we need to be comfortable and accepting of being happy by ourselves on a lazy Sunday day. I really related to what you had to say so stay away from the darkness and be happy 🙂

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