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It’s that close

I’d like to say thank you to those who read my entries. Yeah, it’s a compilation of varied thoughts and knowing who I am as a person. We have so much in common but yet… we differ greatly. It could the eccentricity of our upbringings, but anyway, Thank You.

This Friday, my son’s mom and I are finally getting that Dissolution finalized. I’m scared. Not that I’m gonna lose my son or the fact that I broke my family because of my PTSD, it’s that longing to be with someone that scares me. I actually joked and said that I was going to cut my ring finger off….it’s actually not looking too shabby with the way my record is going.

She’s my best friend and despite everything we have gone through and what I put her through, she still has my back. People bring up that when couple split, there should be this quarrel or resentment towards each other. I can say, we are the few that get along better as friends and as parents.

My son’s handling it well, a lot better than before. He would see me go and he’d chase after me. My mind, at the time, didn’t care. I wanted to be free. Now, I’m becoming that obsessed parent that gloats how well he’s doing in school…. he makes me very happy.

I am still scared of being single again. I can play off the “Surfer confident type” but honestly, I am intimately shy around people.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind my own company (and the voices in my head that speak differenet languages). I want to give love and have love. Maybe I’m not ready for it yet, so in the mean time, I’ll just keep building up my confidence.

I feel a lot better letting all this out. My coffee is running low and I talked your ear off. If I may? Will I see you in the morning? I look forward to it 🙂

 

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