I’m always being told I should write a book, so maybe this will be the start of that.
I’m not sure that I can begin this without saying who I am, though it may be the most boring part of my journal. It can’t be avoided, so let’s start with the basics and I’ll work my way back.
Basically: My name is Caroline. I’m 28 years old and I’m from a small town on the outskirts of Atlanta.
Professionally: I am a teacher. I teach 1st grade in an all-black charter school close to Atlanta. I’m the only white teacher here. I love it some days and hate it others. I’m proud of myself for the job I do some days. On others, I’m positive I’m the worst teacher ever. I should be teaching math as I write this.
I’m also a blogger. I can’t really call that a profession because we have yet to make a single dime off of it, but maybe one day! My mom and I write a blog together… its a “southern lifestyle” blog. Sorry I can’t share it with you, but since this journal is anonymous and the blog isn’t, that just isn’t possible. I can assure you it’s delightfully mediocre and full of our love for cooking, DIY, and southern traditions.
Family stuff: Speaking of my mom, my parents are awesome. I think I’m one of the few people in this day and age that can honestly say I can only dream of one days having the marriage my parents have or being the parents that they are. My mom is retired these days, but is homemaker extraordinaire. She’s super particular and high maintenance and the absolute queen of the guilt trip, but she’s also that sort of woman that everyone strives to be. My dad is an executive for an international heavy equipment company, which may make him sound uptight, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s a goofy southern gentleman and he’s my rock. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do when he’s too old or dead to be the man I’ve always depended on him to be.
I have a brother who is 10 years older than me and lives closeby like the rest of the family. His name is Weston (West) and his wife is Devon. Their kids, Brand and Parker, are in kindergarten and 1st grade. Much more to say about that crew, but I’ll wait til later.
I have another brother, Jorah, who is 5 years older. He and his wife, Mallory, just had a baby boy, making them the parents of 2 under 2… Eden and Weston. Again, there’s alot more to say about them, but that’s all for now.
Socially: My best friends are men. Typically men I’ve slept with or continue to sleep with. I should stop doing that. It only confuses things. I try to be upfront about what I want and don’t want, but they fall in love with me anyway. I know… 1st world problems, right? I feel dumb for complaining about such a thing, but really… it’s a huge inconvenience.
Kade and I have been best friends for about 2 years now. He gets me better than anyone and vice versa. I went after him sexually after a couple months of friendship and it was mind-blowing, but quickly became complicated. It became the expectation that I would leave the bar with him or spend the night with him He started to get jealous when I would make plans with other men or spend too much time talking to them when we were out. I tried to remind him that we were not together and he would say he understood, but as time went by it became more and more evident that he didn’t. In a way, I think he always held out hope that I would come around, but I knew I wouldn’t. It took 3 months of not speaking to one another to get our friendship back on a somewhat normal level. More about that another day…
I have another similar situation with a close friend except this time, he works with me. I have to admit, sleeping with a coworker, especially when you’re both teachers, is hot. It’s exciting to walk down the hall with my class and see him eyeing me from the break room, knowing that he’s thinking things that no one should be thinking while within these hallowed walls. The other reason it’s hot is because Demetrius is black. I know, I know.. this is 2016 and that shouldn’t be a big deal, but this is the South. None of my friends have dated black men and no one in my family has dated outside their race, so it’s exciting for me. The sex is great and he thinks the sun shines out of my ass, but really… I wouldn’t date him either. Not because of the race thing (though I’ve only recently considered that), but for other reasons… again, we’ll get into that at a later date. For now, we continue to be friends, flirt with each other at work, and sleep together on occasion. He has confessed his love for me but, unlike Kade, at least Demetrius really does seem to understand that I don’t and won’t feel the same way. He respects that and keeps his distance when he feels he needs to get his feelings in check. This week seems to be one of those week…
I need to get back to the kiddos, but I’m glad I’m doing this. If anyone out ther
e is reading this, I’m glad you’re doing that, too. 😉